They never address pee stains. I don't pee in my bed and I bet most other people don't either but shouldn't that be a major selling point when you are trying to get somebody to buy an expensive MATTRESS? Some people have incorrect bladders. I am in no position to tell you how to do your job but seek them out and take advantage, mattress salesman.
(Do I have to do EVERYTHING for you?)
When you "test out" a mattress you should get to jump up and down on top of it. I never see anybody doing that. How come? That would be such a cool first date, even though it would be recklessly presumptuous.
Imagine you are the salesman and someone asks you "Does this particular mattress make a lot of noise during sex?" Then you say, "I don't know, I'll look it up on the computer."
One thing (ONE) that would be awesome would be mattress FIGHTS. Kind of like pillow fights but you'd have to be way stronger. Imagine whacking someone with a mattress in a good natured way. What would the other person say? Certainly not "OW!" Mattresses do not hurt, that's the whole point of them.
Probably what you would say would be "I cannot believe that somebody just hit me with a MATTRESS. Excuse me now, I have to go pee."
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