Did you go to the gym today: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted January 9, 2008)

Okay all you smokers and fatties, I know that 99% of you have probably already broken your New Year’s resolutions but honestly who did you think you were kidding?  Everybody knew there was no way you were gonna get up and go to the gym every morning, and that you would much rather stay in bed and eat pie.  and I bet January 1st is a favorite day of the tobacco industry.  Everybody throws their cigarettes in the garbage at 12:01 and by 9am they are running out to buy more.

I’m all for making yourself a better person, but you have to pick something within reason.  Vowing to give up cigarettes and junk food is just setting yourself up for a colossal failure.  Achieving a smaller, more attainable goal would be much better for your SELF-ESTEEM.


Some better New Year’s resolution ideas:

1) Refraining from vandalism

Most people don’t feel the need to commit vandalism too often, so it shouldn’t be out of the question just to quit cold turkey.  You might feel the occasional temptation, such as when you feel like drawing a mustache on George Washington on a $1 bill (it is a crime to vandalize LEGAL CURRENCY), but through self-introspection and prayer I am sure you will come to decide that it’s just not worth it.  You know you’re better than that.

2) Being patient while roasting marshmallows

This one is a little tougher because it requires a bit of discipline.  a marshmallow will be perfectly melted on the inside and golden-brown on the outside if you keep it the right distance from the flame and just wait.  Everybody wants to jab it right in the fire though so they can just eat it quickly.  They don’t want to wait, they eat it all smokey and black.  That makes for improper smores.

3) Stop giving people the finger

Whether it’s in the car or while out at the supermarkets and malls, everybody seems to be giving everybody else the finger.  I know it’s hard to resist, there are so many jerk people around.  I bet even Gandhi felt like giving people the finger sometimes, especially when they laid that salt tax on him, but it’s just not an okay thing to do.  Like Gandhi we must be strong.  Try to abstain for a week, and if you make it, go for another week!  Baby steps are sometimes the key.


These ideas are just off the top of my head, there might be a better resolution for you personally.  If vandalism is your favorite hobby, you hate marshmallows, and you have no arms I would suggest picking something else.  Just remember to KEEP IT REAL.  (I learned that expression on the STREET.)

Don’t buy a Bow-Flex, you are probably too out of shape to even put it together.  Being kinder to animals makes a nice resolution, as does avoiding smog.


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