Olympic facts: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted August 8, 2008)

The Olympics are great.  They include competitors from all lands.  Nobody can wait to find out who wins, but in time we all will know.  Meanwhile here are some important Olympic facts:


- This year's Olympics are in Beijing, China.  a lot of people are mad about that, but I say give them a chance.  Just because they are Chinese doesn't mean they don't know how to do the Olympics.

- Some things that were invented in China include paper, the compass, kites, noodles, toilet paper, umbrellas, the toothbrush, silk, chopsticks, and gunpowder.

- Probably every person in the Olympics is on steroids.  This has been well documented, but the President doesn't know what to do about it yet.

- Attending the Olympics will be more than 10,000 athletes from about 200 nations, as well as 5,000 members of the press, a broadcast staff of 12,000, and 70,000 volunteers.  Tons of these people will be gettin it on at the hotel.  (a water polo captain from Argentina and a photojournalist from the Netherlands will probably never bump into each other again, you know?  Well maybe at the next Olympics.)

- Some sports that are not included in the Olympics are football, dodgeball, fishing, hunting, auto racing, bull fighting, hot air ballooning, and darts.  All of these sports are popular so I don't know why they don't add them.

- The greatest Olympic tradition is the carrying of the Olympic torch.  The torch was decided upon because it has to be carried around the whole world and a torch is not too heavy.  It is also symbolic but I don't know of what.

- The first Olympics were held in Greece many years ago, about 776 BC.  They had them until 393 AD and then took a break.  Those were biblical times, but there is no mention of the Olympics in the Bible.  Word had not really gotten around yet.  I wish it had, though, because maybe Jesus would have been in it.

- Early Olympic events included throwing a rock, running up a hill, wrestling, jumping around, and yodeling.  They did all of this in the nude, but that's okay because there was no TV yet.

- In the modern Olympics, almost everybody wears clothes and most of the events are different.  About 99.99% of people agree that the modern Olympics are better, but back in Greece there are still a few guys that would rather watch naked men throw rocks.

- Can you get kicked out of the Olympics for peeing in the pool?  No one is sure, it's never come up.  (Kind of tough to prove, you know?)

- Some people attending the Olympics like to leave 15 minutes before the closing ceremony is over.  They do this because they want to "beat the traffic."  It doesn't work though, man, traffic is EVERYWHERE.


...and that's all you need to know!  Enjoy the Games.

(By the way if anybody from China is reading this don't even THINK of trying to censor me or my lawyers will sue you mofos for all you've got!  You have been warned.)


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