The most popular Christmas present this year: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted December 29, 2007)

...was the GPS.  GPS stands for "global positioning system."  If you have not heard of it yet, it's a little device you keep in your car that tells you where to go.  "Turn left on Bugaboo Lane" and that sort of thing.  So it's kind of like a robot, but does not have a cool face and hook hands like a robot.

You see people hate getting lost, but they also hate stopping to ask for directions.  Everyone is afraid to get out of the car and ask a stranger how to get somewhere.  The stranger might say "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" or "MAN, YOU ARE WAY OFF!" or something like that, and you would be ashamed.  The GPS doesn't judge you, it helps you get where you're going without robbing you of your dignity.  People are more comfortable getting their directions from a computer, same as porn.

Come to think of it, though, isn't it kind of insulting to receive a GPS as a gift?  "You seem to be kind of an idiot when it comes to directions, so here."  It's like getting a weight-loss video or a box of nicotine patches.  "I could see that you needed some help in this area, but were refusing to help yourself.  Merry Christmas."

Would people mind getting their directions from a robot that DID have a face and arms and stuff?  All sitting next to you in the car, staring out the window.

Robot: Turn left here.

You: Are you sure?

Robot: Of course I'm sure.  I'm a robot.  Look, now you missed the turn.

You: Fuck!

Robot: *sigh*

I think that would be kind of fun.  It gets lonely on the road, you know?


Other things a robot in the car would be good for:

1) Sing-alongs!

The robot could have a built-in karaoke machine, and even sing along with you so you wouldn't feel self conscious.

2) Feats of strength

Robots are very strong.  They can push the car out of snow or mud, change a flat tire without even needing a jack, etc.

3) Protection

If someone tries to carjack you, the robot gets out of the car and beats him up.


Not to mention that the robot is of course also a computer.  He has a monitor on his belly that you can watch porn on when you get to the hotel.


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