Crock Pot vs Slow Cooker

So if you haven't been following the latest slow cooker news (and SHAME on you if you haven't) the Crock Pot company has been getting all sensitive and protective of its brand name.

If you didn't know, all Crock Pots are slow cookers, but not all slow cookers are Crock Pots.  So Crock Pot wants to be recognized as the original and BEST slow cooker.  Problem is, they're all the same.  I own a Crock Pot.  I own a slow cooker.  There's no difference.

It's isn't like the Kleenex thing.  People will say "Kleenex" when they mean "tissue" as if the terms are interchangeable.  It's often inaccurate, but nobody cares.  You say "Hand me a Kleenex, please" when you need to blow your nose.  No one, including douchebags, is douche-baggy enough to say "These are actually Great Value brand tissues from Walmart, but here's one anyway.  Check your facts next time."

(Are there Great Value douche kits?  I guess I don't want to know.)

ANYHOO there IS a DIFFERENCE.  Kleenex brand is made better.  It is the cadillac of facial tissue.  "Puffs" brand might dispute that, but the fact is you never hear anybody say "Hand me a Puffs," so they can just SHUT IT.

There's no kind of demonstration the Crock Pot company can use to prove why its product is better.  Crock Pots do not absorb a blue liquid at a better rate than other slow cookers.  If you drop a Crock Pot and a slow cooker off a roof they are both gonna break.  Both products incorporate two simple things, warmth and time.  Only God has power over warmth and time, not you, Crock Pot.  You plug a slow cooker, ANY slow cooker, into the wall and it does its thing.  COOKS SLOWLY.  There's no way to improve upon it.

There is, however, a way to at least once again be RECOGNIZED as the top slow-cooking brand.

***sPoKeSpErSoN***

The right spokesperson can really make a difference.  Where would K-Mart be today without Rosie O'Donnell and Laverne?

So since you REALLY have no leg to stand on (imagine a Crock Pot with legs, useless but funny), you need to go all out and pay top dollar to bring Bill Cosby out of the shadows.  He hasn't pitched anything, good or bad, in a long time.  Jell-O moved on and Kodak went out of business.  The Coz still has a few good years left.  USE him.  He'd probably feel all rejuvenated.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, buy an ACTUAL Crock Pot.  They're boop ze wip, man."

(Then points into the empty pot.)

"PUT somethin in there and now you're COOKIN, boy."

(Then dances a little and makes a Cosby face.)

"SLOW cook it, Jack."


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