Energy drinks: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted November 19, 2008)

Everybody in the world likes to complain about being tired and not getting enough sleep.  Instead of just resting more, most people now turn to energy drinks.

Where did energy drinks come from?  Japan.  People in Japan draw a lot of cartoons and build a lot of cars and computers so they gotta stay alert and focused.  Now the trend has crossed the Pacific and taken America by storm.

Energy drinks are especially popular with young people.  Young people have important lives and need to stay alert in case a night meeting goes long or there's a missile launch.

Of course the truth is that 99% of the people buying energy drinks are LAZY LOSERS that have no good reason to stay awake.  Next time I see a kid buying an energy drink I am gonna yell at him.  "Why do you need that, are you a late night security guard or something?  JERK."

You know who doesn't need energy drinks?  a FARMER.  Farmers get up at 4am to milk cows and plow fields, fueled by nothing but good country bacon and eggs and a good night's sleep.  Well sometimes they do cocaine I guess but mostly it's bacon, eggs, and sleep.

DO YOU REALLY THINK ENERGY DRINKS ARE SAFE?  If you were going in for surgery and the doctor said "This will be a long night!" and started chugging a Red Bull would you be cool with that?

I think Barack Obama needs to come forward and condemn energy drinks.  People like to listen to that guy.  He should say, "I don't need that crap, I drink great American COFFEE!"  I feel the President saying "crap" would grab a lot of people's attention.

Ben Franklin did not need energy drinks to stay productive, he just went to bed early.  We should all try to be more like Ben Franklin, except physically.  That guy was money.  (Pun INTENDED.)


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