Times have changed, anybody can criticize food now. Usually e-Criticize.
So just bring a clipboard and pen wherever you eat and wear a pair of fake glasses and the waitress will treat you like you are God. (The REAL God.)
It's a victimless crime. They make extra-sure your food is correct, and then you personally hand them a fake diploma and ALSO give them a big tip. You were gonna tip anyway. Why not pretend to be CRITICAL of FOOD?
"Hmmm, I am not certain that this Conehead Sundae is correct. It seems unhappy. I will eat it but not pay."
Are actual licensed food critics obligated to finish their meals if they are unhappy?
"This fish is cold and hard and BLEEDING. I must fulfill my report, though."
Cold, bloody bites.
Over and over.
and over.
("baxxk" is a term so evil that only a conehead sundae could utter it.)
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