Monday, October 6, 2014

Monkeys and apes are different


Not every ape is a monkey, and not every monkey is an ape.

That is STRAIGHT from the BIBLE.

Hector 3:14

ALL of them are cool animals, though.  and should be ADMIRED.

Take the chimpanzee, for example.  They appear in television shows AND movies..

(This is a quick example of a movie.)




I got kicked out of the zoo for bringing in my own beverage.  It wasn't even alcoholic, it was Mountain Dew mixed with coffee.

WHY DID THEY CARE?

"You can't bring that in, sir."

"Why not?"

"It will upset the giraffes."

"Well I am gonna SECRETLY enjoy this combination of Mountain Dew and coffee and enjoy the giraffes ANYWAY.  From the apparently ILLEGAL viewing point." (the other side of the fence)





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Friday, October 3, 2014

Stop drinking yogurt!


How lazy can you be?

Everyone loves yogurt.  The yogurt section at the supermarket is always so crowded and crammed. Scientists and astronauts and supermarket managers and other intellectuals have tried putting their heads together but cannot figure out how to allocate yogurt to consumers at an efficient rate.

They figured out how to get them to CONSUME it faster, though.  "Just squirt it down your mouth!  No chunks and no spoon!"

The chunks are the BEST PART!  When you see the ACTUAL strawberry on the spoon it's so exciting.

Did Yoplait steal the idea of Go-Gurt from V8?  There seem to be a lot of products for people that want to be lazy AND healthy.  Remember those milkshakes that were supposed to make you skinny?  THEY WERE MILKSHAKES.  What's coming next?  "New miracle diet!  You can DRINK banana pudding!"


So as everyone knows, the latest most popular trend is GREEK yogurt.  People crowd and shove each other at the store trying to get it as if it's as important as a Cabbage Patch Doll giving birth to ANOTHER Cabbage Patch Doll.

So it is obvious where this is all headed.

The Greek yogurt "smoothie."


I do not really understand what "smoothies" are.  I only drink water and tea and alcohol and Tang.  (NOT at the same time.)  But it seems like a winner of an idea.  Can't you picture some sweaty person coming home from the gym all like "I just had the greatest workout, followed by a Greek yogurt smoothie!"

"Good for you!  I'm finishing my slice of fish oil pie!"

Certain foods should only be in certain forms, man.




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