Get out of here with these Kool-Aid "Jammers"

Kool-Aid ain't no fun unless you MAKE it.  David Koresh would agree.

Purplesaurus Rex: Most popular Kool-Aid flavor of all time?  That will be a topic of debate for the remainder of the history of the universe. Which, man, what kind of Kool-Aid varieties are there gonna be in the year 3000?  Probably "Unicorn Horn Unbelievably Found On The Moon Extract," which turns out to be the best possible tasting Kool-Aid ingredient.  Either that or mango.

As most people know, I am notoriously FRAUDULENT but I swear to GOD (yes, Him) that this story is absolutely true.  Where I grew up, a lot of kids would operate "Kool-Aid Stands" in an attempt to make some quick cash. "KOOL-AID FIVE CENTS!"  Like a lemonade stand except ghetto.  These were LITTLE kids.  But then in high school these two hot girls that lived near me opened up this really sophisticated Kool-Aid Stand where you got to pick the flavor ahead of time.  One of them would then go into the house to make it, and meanwhile, as a teenage boy, you got to TALK to a hot, popular girl (the other one) for a few minutes while waiting for your Kool-Aid.  I do not remember which flavor I picked, probably pink lemonade. Then you would drink the Kool-Aid in front of them and pay them a dollar.  It was like the most innocent, low-key prostitution scam ever.

Oh yeah.

I certainly recognize that I am behind the times but am I living in the same universe as this person?

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I Do Not Have Any Children But I Hate "Gymnastics" Anyway

Ever watch children performing gymnastics?  SO lame.  There's no hoops or flips or falling.

Bob Saget would love it, man.  Imagine him sitting in the bleachers with a Coca-Cola in a big paper cup and being immensely entertained.

All like, "Somebody got hurt AGAIN?  Good, they deserved it."

Who in hell actually mailed in video tapes to America's Funniest Home Videos?  All with these false hopes.  "The dog sneezed on the cat.  We could become RICH based on this accidentally videotaped situation."

I certainly cannot confirm this but I bet that out of the thousands and thousands of video tapes that the television show received, at least like ONE had to be amateur porn.  Somebody somewhere still probably has the tape, unless they threw it out.

Are there gymnastics FANS that have tapes and such?  That would be so disturbing.  People do "gather" for events like Dungeons and Dragons and church, but I cannot imagine anybody in any walk of life choosing to witness gymnastics on purpose.

It must be like NASCAR and figure skating where some of the people watching do not appreciate the art of it.  They just want blood and failure.

Mostly blood.

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I want to eat the rarest, scariest seafood

Seafood prices tend to vary widely based on how readily available the product it.  Fish sticks, cheap.  Shrimp, way more.  and if someone buys you a swordfish on a date, you better be DAMN well prepared to put out.

Beyond that, though, there are these secret terrifying fish at the bottom of the ocean that you never get to consume.

Some GOOD EXAMPLES:

Imagine a buffet where you would get to sample all the scariest fish and other animals that live in the WORLD.  That would be way better than Golden Corral.  Unlimited scary fish for one "deep" price.

Too many people are timid about eating seafood in general.

"I don't like cold shrimp!  EWW!"

"a live lobster?  No thanks.  Any animals I eat need to be LONG dead."

Get out of here with that cowardly eating.  Food should be an exciting taste ADVENTURE.

Plus, how proud would you be to have THIS in your stomach?

Blobfish Fest at Red Lobster...coming in 2015.

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2014 Year In Review Blog!

Most of 2014 was spent watching the Big Lots lady get psyched for Christmas.

Then Christmas actually happened, and I haven't seen or heard anything about her since.  Maybe she got overexcited and wound up stuck in an undersized chimney or wishing well.  If so, I hope to see her safely return to Big Lots advertisements for the next holiday season.

jInGLe bEllS
jInGLe bEllS
i fAll iNtO wEllS

oH wHaT fUn
iT iS tO rIDe
a wATeR sLiDe iNtO heLL


I did not get ebola in 2014.  Other people did, but only a few.  Apparently that's still too many.

Based on what a dentist told me, just in passing, we are all going to die eventually anyway, so who cares how it happens?  He told me that while we were actively sitting next to each other on a Malaysian airplane.  I haven't seen him since.

So what IS the meaning of life?

In 2014, we learned that life is all about that:

It's all about that...

Pop culture is on a roll.  Down a hill.  Then at the bottom of the hill there are zombies and Robert Downey Jr. and Ellen.  Ellen gives you an expensive gift, and then you go home. FOREVER.

The main 2014 good thing in pop culture was the remake of "Annie."  I couldn't find an exact picture of the NEW "Annie," this was the best I could do.

Happy New Year!  (If you celebrate that!)

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