Game shows

On Jeopardy you used to have to answer in the form of a question.

WHY!?!

The smartest idiots in the world have to abide by this nonsensical dumb rule or else they LOSE MONEY.  It's like if you were FORCED to play chess using only your left hand.  Or else the right if you were one of those people that was somehow born opposite.  Imagine how stupid it would be if you lost points in chess for touching one of the action figures with your functional hand.  That's how Jeopardy was.  For YEARS.


There was this problem on Wheel of Fortune where everybody figured out what the most common letters were.  R-S-T-L-N-E

So the show had to ADAPT and start inventing puzzles that did not include those specific letters.  It was a good idea EXCEPT for the fact (yes FACT) that, for some dipwad reason, they decided to let the contestants choose bonus letters too.  Why did they do that?  Wheel of Fortune puzzles are SUPPOSED to be mind-bogglingly impossible.

For example, something like "BIRD'S NEST"

__R_'S NEST

...is always EASY to guess whereas "XANTHAN GUM"

__NT__N ___

...would be hopelessly difficult.

How exciting would it be, though, to see somebody correctly guess "XANTHAN GUM" without the benefit of bonus letters?  and also to see Vanna turn around an APOSTROPHE?  Stuff like that is what makes television so exciting.


Sometimes on Price Is Right somebody tries to be all shrewd by guessing $1 on something that is almost certainly priced WAY HIGHER than that.  The contestant in question figures that everybody else guessed prices that were much too high and wrong, so they just guess $1 as this sort-of bold attempt to undermine the whole system.  Sometimes it works.  Why do they always guess exactly $1 though?  Why not guess $16 or $120 dollars on something that obviously costs more like a THOUSAND?  You'd win anyway.  What idiots.


Who fills out the surveys for Family Feud?  Just the most boring people ever?

"We asked 100 people to name a food that people eat for breakfast."

and then the result is that 42% of the allegedly random sample said "CEREAL."

33% said "EGGS."

Then there's pancakes, bacon, and at the VERY END like 2% of people picked "COLD PIZZA."

I understand that cereal probably IS the actual #1 thing people eat for breakfast, but if you are the person taking the survey, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU GET OUT OF STATING THAT?  Be creative!  Only 2% of people thought to say "COLD PIZZA?"  REALLY?  and it's easy to say "Well, nobody cares!" but if THAT'S the case, WHY ARE YOU TAKING THE SURVEY IN THE FIRST PLACE?  Do you get MONEY for "right" answers?  If not, fuck it.  "What do people eat for breakfast?  Pork chops.  Write that down RIGHT NOW or else it's game show FRAUD."


Hollywood Squares was the most peculiar of all.  The rules made no sense.  Why would celebrities want to trick contestants into not getting the right answer?

Host: Hey Richard Mulligan, who was the first man on the moon?

Richard Mulligan: Luciano Pavarotti.

Host: Are you sure about that, Richard Mulligan?

Richard Mulligan: No but what the FUCK does it matter to ME?

Host: Contestant, agree or disagree?

Contestant: dIsAgReE!

Host: Circle gets the squaaaaare!

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