Where is Ronald McDonald part two: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted September 26, 2008)

I am still waiting for Ronald McDonald to come back and save his burger franchise.

McDonalds has gone way downhill ever since some guy made a documentary movie in which he ate nothing but McDonalds and then died.  Since that time, McDonalds has made bad changes to its menu, introducing foods no one could ever possibly want like chicken biscuits for BREAKFAST and some kind of walnut salad.  They also have stopped caring about children and only seem interested in selling coffee.

It is time for the corporate STOOGES at McDonalds to wake up and remember why they got into this business in the first place.  McDonalds is supposed to be about giving people what they want.  and what do people want?  BURGERS, FRIES, MCNUGGETS, and APPLE PIE.  Get rid of all the other weird food inventions, if people want to eat a bunch of crap like that they can go to Wendy's.

Now let's not kid ourselves, everybody knows how the scam works.  They give away all the food at dirt-cheap prices and then totally jack the customers on the drinks.  That being the case I think it is time for McDonalds to simplify itself and just go buffet style.  All-you-can-eat burgers and fries for like 4 bucks, everyone would love that.  Kind of a radical change, I know, but there is one man that could smooth it over and get America excited about McDonalds again.

and that man is Ronald McDonald himself.


Here is a script I have been working on for the new McDonalds buffet commercial...

(Some of the corporate stooges are in the McDonalds office having a meeting.)

Stooge 1: Okay, umm, customers are not happy with our new walnut ranch bacon wrap, what should we do next?

Stooge 2: We should raise drink prices.

Stooge 3: No let's invent something else.

Stooge 1: Well uhhh we could make Arch Deluxe 2, I guess.

(Ronald McDonald kicks the door in.  Rap music can be heard playing.)

Stooge 2: Ronald McDonald!  Where have you been?!

Ronald: In your mama.

Stooge 1: Oh hello Ronald, umm, can you please help us fix this horrible mess we've made of your company?

Ronald: Yes, we gotta go buffet style.  All the great food everybody wants at one low price.

Stooge 3: We can't do that, we'll go broke!

Ronald: I do not care about money.

Stooge 1: Okay uhh I guess we could try unlimited burgers and fries but no McNuggets at the buffet, okay?

Ronald: The hell you say, I am Ronald and we're doing it.

Stooge 3: Oh no!

Stooge 2: What about hot apple pies?

Ronald: Unlimited pie for all.

Stooge 1: and Happy Meal toys?

Ronald: Everybody gets two but you gotta buy a drink.

Stooge 3: The ramifications of this will be huge!

(Cut to shot of the Burger King with a gun to his head.)

T O  B E  C O N T I N U E D


The next series of ads will feature Ronald at the buffet hanging out with celebrities, like Prince and Michael Jordan.


Click HERE.