Rock, rap, and metal

a lot of people enjoy talking about music.  When someone asks me what kind of music I like, I give one answer.

"Rock and Roll."

I don't just say "rock."  I don't say "a lot of kinds."  I say "Rock and Roll."  It is here to stay, whether religious types and Hee-Haw fans like it or not.

and if someone asks "Do you like Rock and Roll music?" I always say "definitely."  I almost never get asked that exact question, though.  It only happened once when I met Chubby Checker at the mall.


Most heavy metal fans become attracted to the genre at a young age.  Not too many people jump on the bandwagon real late in life.  It's much easier to gain the initial acceptance when you're young.  a bunch of people will be standing around "banging their heads" to Judas Priest and some new kid will walk up and say "Hey fellas, can I listen to Judas Priest too?" and they'll say "Sure!" and all start banging together.

Make sure you know what you're talking about, though!  While it's easy to be welcomed INTO the circle, it's also easy to become ostracized if you say the wrong thing.

Kid 1: Man, Eddie Van Halen can really shred, man.

Kid 2: Yeah, I really like the keyboard riff from "Jump!"

Next thing you know you're all ditched and confused in the Denny's parking lot.

"What did I say?"

To be accepted as an older person is nearly impossible.  Your mom picks you up from your shift at the mall and is listening to "Master of Puppets."

Kid: Mom, what are you doing?

Mom: It's Metallica.  I've been getting into this lately.

Kid: Well stop it.

Mom: James Hetfield plays a really good "axe."

Kid: STOP IT.


Speaking of Hee-Haw, since I pretty much always am, there should have been a metal version that would not only feature guest bands but also a full spectrum of cartoonish metalhead characters cracking jokes in a field.  Metalheads hang out in fields a lot too, but usually for different reasons.


I don't know much about rap music or rap culture.  I just know that there are two coasts, East and West, and that the two coasts do not like each other.  There have been multiple murders over this, so first of all let me go on the record and say that I have loyalty to NEITHER.  I am just neutral when it comes to rap, like Switzerland or Texas.  So any rappers reading this please do not kill me.

Instead of violence, I think a better and much more peaceful way for either coast to establish true rap dominance would be to get the official endorsement of Coast soap.

It would be a pretty shrewd deal.  The soap company would lend its "cred" to either the East or the West, and the rappers on that coast would return the favor in kind.

Coast has the scent
That open your EYES
Put Zest in my tub
and some muthafucka DIES

Something like that.

Of course the opposing coast would feel the need to "respond" (they always do) so they'd probably hash out a deal with another soap company and soon there'd be all kinds of soap-related threats and disses back and forth.  There's only one "Coast" soap though, so it wouldn't be the same.

"You're not fully dead until your ZESTFULLY dead" doesn't carry the same impact.

Your girl was pure like Ivory
99.44
But not any MORE
I did that WHORE on the FLOOR

Lame.

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