Snow day

It's tough to get a snow day.  a full one, at least.

Instead of just cancelling work or school, they say "Well we're gonna wait and see how bad it gets."  Then it gets bad.  So THEN they say "We're sending everybody home.  Good luck!  It's pretty bad out."


It's inconsistent because most workplaces are so big on safety.  If a floor gets mopped, "CAUTION: WET FLOOR!"  Every office has fire exits that are clearly marked and way more fire extinguishers than you'll ever need.  But there's never a fire, not even one.  and in school, you never hand scissors to somebody the dangerous pointy way, it's always handle-first.

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

Unless you're driving TO work, that is.  Then it's "10 inches of snow with slippery roads?  Big deal!  You could have made it in."

All the kids get on the bus at 6am when it's 0 degrees and dark outside, then by 8 it's a blizzard and everyone is trying to figure out how to get all the kids back to where they just were.  Safely.


Here's my safety plan: DON'T GO.

Unless you REALLY have to, that is.  If you are the person that feeds the animals at the zoo, you have to go in.  But if you are "Joe From Accounting" and work in an office building, stay the hell home.  Your boss might call all like "Joe we really need you to be here to do some accounting today!  You can't just stay home!"  The reality is that accounting will take care of itself.  and there will be less traffic impeding the person that is trying to get to work to feed leopards.

School is the least necessary place.  I like when the kids get the day off but the teachers and staff still have to report.  WHY?  Do the bus drivers have to show up too?  Bus all empty and stationary.

"Well it's still a work day, we're not paying you for nothing."

"Yes you are!"


I wonder if any gym teachers get upset when school is cancelled.  "This throws off the whole CURRICULUM."


What's the easiest job to get called off from?  What if you give hot air balloon tours?  "Hey boss, it's 0 degrees and windy.  I don't think anybody's gonna want one."  "You can still come in and vacuum out the basket."  "I did that yesterday!"

"Do you really need me at Dairy Queen today?  The roads seem pretty bad."

"Yes, come in.  We can inventory the Blizzard toppings."

"Aww, we don't have to count all the INDIVIDUAL Heath bar pieces, do we?"

"Yes."


Do airline pilots still get paid when the flight is called off?  If so, do they make them do something else that day?  "Write up a self-evaluation."

"Okie-doke."

i - will - ne-ver - crash - the - plane - un-less - you -are - on - it - stu-pid - boss

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