Veal: Can't we just fake it?

Most people enjoy the delicious taste of veal.  Most people also abhor cruelty to animals.

Isn't there a happy medium somewhere?

Think of Chicken McNuggets.  Definitely Mc.  Definitely Nuggets.  But also not chicken.  and nobody cares!  Do that with veal, I say.

Snooty waiter in a restaurant all like "What can I get for you, majeure?" (That was supposed to be "Monsieur" but I was too lazy to look up the spelling.)

So then the guy is like "I will have the veal" and the snoot is like "Bon appeTITS, sir" (oh wow it's off topic but IS that something people ever say about a woman that's well-stacked?  How magically juxtaposed to veal that is.  See?  Writing is awesome.)

But then the snooty waiter also has to say, "Just so you know, there is no actual cow meat in thi..."

and then the patron sticks his fingers in his ears all like "LA LA LA LA LA LA DON'T WANNA KNOW DON'T WANNA KNOW.  IT'S NOT AN ANIMAL, IT'S JUST MCNUGGETS."

"Very good, majoor, and your dipping sauce of choice?"

"Buffalo wing, duh."

It's just... McNuggets.

Moo.

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Why are ducks such jerks in cartoons?

Also how come cartoon ducks cannot fly?  Donald Duck used to become so ANGRY when people liked Mickey Mouse better.  Instead of having a temper tantrum he should have been like "Oh yeah?  Look at what I can do that you CAN'T, stupid jerk MOUSE" and then flown away all calmly.  Mickey Mouse all dissed, taking it out on the other characters.

"I AM MICKEY GOD DAMN MOUSE."

"Yeah, we know.  You also cannot fly."

"F!"


Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck used to argue a lot.  Bugs seemed to always come out on top.  Daffy is/was a duck.  Ducks can fly, rabbits cannot.  So imagine a typical scene where Bugs at FIRST outwits Daffy and then Daffy says "Take THIS!" and starts flying into the air and then poops bird poop all over Bugs Bunny's head.  I cannot think of a prank that would allow Bugs to ever top that.  I guess he could seduce Daffy's wife, but even then, there would be weird animal genitalia issues.


So to get back to my original point, WHY ARE CARTOON DUCKS NEVER RESPECTED AS PEACEFUL ANIMAL CITIZENS?  Ever see REAL ducks?  THEY ARE SO NICE AND KIND AND AFRAID OF THINGS AND NEVER BOTHER ANYONE.


Does Daffy Duck ever "quack?"  What does it sound like when he burps?

Mickey Mouse is with Minnie.  Are they married or what?

OR WHAT?  Imagine if he got her pregnant.  How many babies do mice give birth to at a time?  I'm really asking.

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