If you work at Denny's how do you not kill somebody: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted April 9, 2008)

I have been to said establishment many times and it seems they attract four principal types of clientele:

1) Old people

2) Impolite people

3) People expecting a $4 breakfast to be of gourmet quality

4) Cheapskates


In fact many of the patrons can be grouped in several if not all of these categories.  Like a belligerent old man insisting that his eggs were "not yellow enough" or something, and therefore he should not have to pay.  In watching this sort of scenario play out I have come to sympathize with the Denny’s waitstaff.  They are clearly not allowed to stand up for themselves.  They never throw coffee or pennies in the old man’s face and yell "GET THE FUCK OUT THEN!" even though I’m sure that’s what they want to do.  The reason?  They would get FIRED!  Denny’s management does not care about justice, they are all about the Benjamins.  You see old people have lots of money from pensions and the war and stuff, and Denny’s likes to extract it from them in daily $4 increments.

Another unfair thing is that if another customer tries to step in, say by yelling "SHUT-UP YOU CRAPPY OLD FOOL!" from another table, suddenly he or she becomes the bad guy!  The management will kick you out and/or have you ARRESTED, especially if there is pushing and shoving or weapons involved.  They don’t want anybody rocking the boat.

We are long overdue for a backlash against these elderly mofos.  Therefore I have decided to form a new human rights organization known as the Customer Intervention Alliance, or CIA for short.  Just like the other CIA we will soon be everywhere.  Right now there are only two members though, me and Jim.

Here’s how it works.  When you are at Denny’s or some other bad restaurant and you see someone getting cantankerous with the waitstaff, you give the secret CIA signal, which is a fist raised in solidarity.  If you look around and see that the club has good representation, it is time to make your move.  All the CIA members get up and confront the douchebag customer, saying things like "You better cool it old-timer!" and whatnot.  Outnumbered, he will undoubtedly surrender and be made to apologize to the waitress and everyone.  The management will surely not interfere when it sees how great the CIA numbers are.  (I mean what are they gonna do, kick EVERYBODY out?  They’d go out of business.)

I imagine the first step in getting this thing off the ground will be to print membership cards.  Unfortunately I do not know how to do that but I am looking into it.  Meanwhile don’t tell my idea to anyone you don’t trust. If Denny’s finds out they will try to undermine the whole thing.


Click HERE.