Jared update: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted April 2, 2008)

After weeks of tireless research I have found at least partial answers to most of my questions about Jared.


Q: Is Jared wealthy?

A: I can hereby confirm that Jared does in fact cruise around in a stretch limousine.  This does not necessarily mean that he is WEALTHY, but while actively representing the Subway corporation he definitely lives large.

Q: Does he get lots of ladies?

A: It turns out Jared is MARRIED.  I do not know if he cheats on his wife or not (a lot of famous people do) but he has been married for over six years.  His wife is a nurse, which makes sense since Jared is such a health nut.

Q: Is he still on that same diet?

A: No he is not but he still eats Subway several times a week.  He gets to eat for free because he is Jared.

Q: What is Jared's favorite Subway menu item?

A: Sources have confirmed that Jared was eating tons of steak hoagies with extra cheese prior to starting his diet.  So that's how he got so big, if you were wondering.

Bonus Q: What was the breakfast portion of Jared's Subway diet?

Bonus A: Coffee.  Not too healthy there Jared but I guess it worked.  (Has he ever heard of fruit?)


Also I previously suggested that there should be a book about Jared, and it turns out that such a thing exists!  Jared penned "Winning Through Losing: 13 Lessons For Turning Your Life Around" in 2006.  So apparently Jared did 12 other really bad things in addition to letting himself get humongously obese.  I can't wait to find out what they were.  Did he steal something?  Was he ever in JAIL?  I've got my trusty library card in hand, and will soon gain access to the chamber of his darkest secrets.


Click HERE.