Mail on Saturdays

So the latest chapter in my perpetual scrutiny of the post office centers on this incredibly divisive issue of Saturday mail.

Personally I'm against it.  I do not like it when I'm barbecuing on a Saturday afternoon and a uniformed FEDERAL EMPLOYEE shows up to give me a magazine.  It makes me feel sorry for him, I want to give him a hot dog.

But then in an odd twist, all the mailmen (or "letter carriers," as they prefer to be called even though they do way more stuff) are ANGRY about the potential elimination of Saturday mail.  They want the "hours."

I find that really hypocritical.  What if you got called in on a holiday?  You'd get all mad, and it's the same thing.  Less hours.  I don't see you complaining on Thanksgiving and Easter because your services aren't needed.  You just sit home enjoying the pumpkin pie and egg hunts with the rest of us.

I mean isn't that what Saturdays are all about in the first place?  Saturdays are basically a weekly holiday, you are supposed to have fun unless you are Jewish.

There's never been mail on Sunday.  How come?  What's the difference?  Sundays are whack because you can only relax to a certain degree.  Monday morning is looming (yes LOOMING).  You are supposed to spend your Sunday thinking about the week ahead and also God.

Hey, do Satan-worshippers have special days and times?  Like if you are a Satanist applying for a job at Home Depot are you allowed to say "I can't work Thursdays.  Thursdays are for...him."

Are there Satanic HOLIDAYS?  If so, what is the food like?  Or would I not want to know?  Any Satanists reading this please get back at me.

Here is what I think the devil looks like.

Here is what I think a mailman looks like.

Now they fight.

Click HERE.