See? I KNEW the Twinkies thing was a scam all along

I don't like to throw the term "retarded" around loosely but if you really thought you could never have Twinkies ever again you are retarded.

"Processed" foods (is that the correct term?) receive a lot of criticism but there really is some magically delicious combination of poisonous ingredients.  What kid hasn't fantasized about a marshmallow-ONLY cereal?  As opposed to the Rice Krispies kind with the tiny ones.  Tiny food usually sucks.  Pizza rolls are great but nobody would like MINI pizza rolls.  There would just not be enough there, man.  See what I mean?


Homestyle macaroni and cheese is really good, but some people INSIST that Kraft is better.  What the hell is actually in that cheese powder?   Some person, a HUMAN, decided at some point exactly what chemicals would be put in there.  Who got to do that?  Was there a big MEETING?  "I think that children would prefer macaroni and cheese that's more orange-y."  "Brilliant idea!  Here's a yacht."

(Then the guy that invented Kraft Macaroni and Cheese shot himself while on his yacht.  That isn't factual, it's just a little story I made up inside my head.)


Kraft Macaroni and Cheese has never had any sort of spokesperson.  How come?  Isn't Wilford Brimley bored with oatmeal and diabetes by now?  What's he got to lose?

"EAT this!  Nobody cares anymore."


Imagine if some fake version of the Chef Boyardee guy turned on the Chef Boyardee brand itself in favor of Kraft Mac and Cheese or Twinkies.  Like a Superbowl ad in which he dumps a big pot of Beefaroni right in the garbage and then immediately eats a Twinkie, camera all close-up.  There would be a huge lawsuit I GUESS, but every brand involved would get publicity.  I think that's what "collusion" is, but I'm not certain about that because I did not pay enough attention in school including college.

 Click HERE.