You know who's a douchebag: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted July 2, 2008)

...the guy that blows his hand off playing with fireworks on the 4th of July and then totally sells out by appearing in public service announcements warning people not to use fireworks.

Man, way to stay true to the cause you piece of filth.  Our founding fathers DIED for our right to use fireworks, and now you lose one stupid hand and immediately jump to the other side of the fence to help the new regime take that freedom away.

It's not the same as feeling remorse after being ruined by a lifetime of cigarette smoking or compulsive gambling.  I could see how a person in that situation might want to use the details of the experience to enlighten others.  Getting your hand blown off is simply a freak accident.  Get over it!

Why should people stop having fun just because one idiot messed up?  It's like if you happen to be the one guy that gets his shoelaces caught in the escalator at the airport, or the one kid that falls through the floor of his treehouse and lands spine-first on an upside-down milk bucket.  Does EVERYBODY have to stop enjoying escalators and treehouses and milk buckets just because YOU got hurt?


Maybe you are reading this and saying to yourself, "Hey, I blew MY hand off on the 4th of July and really do want to make sure it doesn't happen to anybody else.  What can I do to help ensure a safe holiday for everyone?"

Well, you can:

1) Hover around whenever you see people or children playing with fireworks.  Be the voice of experience.  Wag your stump or hook at them and say, "You be careful now."

2) Get your friends to participate in a fireworks-safety-oriented puppet show.  Children love puppets and will pay attention.  and it doesn't matter that you don't have a hand, you can just change the story a little and say that your character was playing with fireworks and accidentally had his head blown off.  That will help drive home the point.


Anyway enjoy your holiday, it's one of the best ones.  It's hot and loud and the food is good.  Also the original 4th of July was a part of history, remember that.


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