New Christmas story that I wrote: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted December 23, 2008)

Okay in this story there are two penguins named Aukie and Pingo and they of course live at the South Pole.  Aukie and Pingo are kind of sad because they can't find jobs.  Then one day they meet Rusty the elf, who was on his way to do field work for Santa Claus in Argentina when a storm blew his kayak off course and he wound up at the South Pole.

They all get to talkin, and Rusty explains the whole Santa Claus deal to the penguins, and says that if they can help him get his boat back on course he will bring them back to the North Pole with him and get them jobs in the Santa Claus regime.  You know, working in the toy shop or something.

The penguins round up six friends and they all let Rusty harness them to the kayak and they jump in the water and are out to sea.  (See the imagery is like Santa with his reindeer, except it's penguins in the water pulling a kayak instead of a sleigh.)

They pull Rusty all the way to the southern tip of Argentina and then he thanks them and gives them a toy shop business card with his name on it.  Aukie and Pingo are like "Wait a minute, I thought you were taking us to the North Pole!"  Rusty says, "Oh, well yeah we can do that but first I got to verify every kid's address in South America, and then they're sending me to Tobago to check on who's sleeping and who's awake, and then I've still got all this vacation time I gotta use up before the end of the year or else I lose it..."

So basically he ditches them.  As he races off in his go kart (the kayak turns into a go kart for travel on land) the penguins ask "CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL US HOW TO GET TO THE NORTH POLE?" and he yells back "JUST WALK UP THE COAST!"

Now these eight penguins are walking up the western coast of South America and they ain't in too good a mood.  Morale is LOW.  There are lots of complaints.  ("It's hot out here, man."  "How far is the North Pole anyway?"  "I didn't even tell my wife I was leavin.")


On the way to the North Pole they have many adventures, and one by one the penguins begin to abandon the pack.

- One gets addicted to caffeine while passing through Colombia and wanders off on his own splinter quest to work for Juan Valdez

- One becomes captivated by tales of a sunken treasure ship off the coast of Panama and leaves the group in pursuit of riches

- One is so dismayed by the high rate of street crime in El Salvador that he hatches a scheme to infiltrate a youth gang and sabotage their plans from the inside

- One signs on as a bullfighter's apprentice in Mexico

- One bumps into an ex-girlfriend at Sea World and hangs back in hopes of rekindling the romance

- One gets arrested at the Canadian border because they think he's a different penguin (they all look kind of alike) that has known ties to drug smugglers in Vancouver


So that leaves just Aukie and Pingo, walking up the Canadian coast and into Alaska.  They follow the signs to the city of "North Pole," which of course is not THE North Pole, it's just a suburb of Fairbanks.  Since they are just penguins, Aukie and Pingo don't understand the difference, and since it's Christmas time in North Pole, Alaska it is not too long at all before they track down "Santa Claus."

Lots of kids are in line to talk to Santa, so the penguins have to wait.  They get in line.  Two penguins waiting to see Santa Claus is regarded as quite the spectacle by the citizens of North Pole.  People begin to point and laugh.  a man takes a picture for the local newspaper.  By the time Aukie and Pingo get to the front of the line, a huge crowd has gathered.  The local news media have shown up with their cameras and microphones.  No one can wait to find out what the penguins will say.

Finally it's their turn.  They hand Santa the business card.

"We were promised work."

All eyes on Santa Claus.  How would he fulfill such an unusual request?

Of course this was not the real Santa, but it WAS the real life postmaster of the 99705 zip code, just working the Santa Claus gig part time on nights and weekends.  Ever wonder where a letter ends up when a kid mails it to Santa Claus at the "North Pole?"  Yep, it goes to 99705.

So yeah he got Aukie and Pingo jobs in the mailroom.  Full time with benefits.

THE END


I know this story was kind of all over the map, but so were the penguins.

Also don't worry about that penguin that was wrongfully jailed at the Canadian border.  He escapes later and clears his name.

(But that's another story.)


Click HERE.