Quilting

What are quilts?

According to the biological definition, and also late-night infomercials, quilts are basically two blankets that are sewn together.  So I gotta ask: WHY NOT JUST USE TWO BLANKETS?!?!

It costs the same, and is easier.  Why would someone need one gigantic "double blanket?"  It's not a cheeseburger or a scotch on the rocks, it's a BLANKET.  Just use two.


Anyhoo, sometimes people go camping.  and a lot of people that go camping sleep in "sleeping bags."  WHY?  Just wrap yourself in one, two, maybe THREE quilts.  You'd be so warm.  What, are you afraid that bears and raccoons are gonna see you wrapped up in QUILTS?  Even if they saw it, why do you CARE what a bear thinks?

"Look at those stupid patches."

and the raccoon...

"I am totally gonna give that person eye-rabies because that's all I want to do in life."


There are a lot of unusual reality television shows these days.  Imagine one in which b-words and c-words and d-words and also VERY NICE LADIES are super competitive about quilting.  Maybe celebrities could even be in it, like "Dancing With The Stars."  Marisa Tomei and Michael Jordan knitting quilts and sniping at each other.

"YOUR movie sucked."

"No YOURS did."


One of my latest favorite ideas is a sleeping bag that is ALSO a quilt.  You just build it out of twice as much stuff and it keeps you SO warm.  It would be like sleeping right in the middle of a double cheeseburger.  Or especially in the middle of a Big Mac.  You could rest so comfortably on that middle bread part.

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