The border patrol

Sometimes Americans want to go to Canada or Mexico.  That means you have to CROSS the BORDER.

There are tons of security precautions.  First of all for getting OUT, but even moreso for getting back IN.  You can't just yell out "I live here!" like when quarreling with an inexperienced doorman.

I appreciate the fact that they are attempting to keep America safe and secure, but I do NOT think it's right that they can ask you any kind of question they want.  and you have to answer quickly and honestly or else you're "suspicious."  What if you're just weird?

***EXAMPLE SCENARIO***

Guard: Are you an American?

Citizen: Yes, sir.

Guard: Why were you in Canada?

Citizen: I...I was working at someone's birthday party.

Guard: What were you doing there?

Citizen: I...was asked to be there, sir.  As a performer.

Guard: What kind of performer are you?

Citizen: I...I'm a mime.

Guard: You don't look like much of a mime.

Citizen: Well I don't wear the make-up while driving.

Guard: Also you're TALKING.

Citizen: I'm off duty, sir.  I'm sorry, I...

Guard: So you have working papers?

Citizen: No, I...I didn't get paid.

Guard: You didn't get paid?

Citizen: No, sir.

Guard: Why would you perform as a mime at a birthday party without being paid?  That sounds SUSPICIOUS.

Citizen: Well I do it...I do it because I like it, sir.

Guard: You like being a MIME?  How come?

Citizen: Well when I was 4 years old I saw this mime on TV and thought it was kind of neat and I don't know I DON'T KNOW I JUST DON'T KNOW DAMMIT I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

Guard: Step out of the car, please.

Citizen steps out of the car.

Guard: Do the rope thing.

Citizen: What?

Guard: Act like you're pulling something on a rope, like mimes do.

Citizen does the rope thing.

Guard: Now act like you're trapped in a box.

Citizen acts like he's trapped in a box.

Guard: Now pretend to cry but with no sound.

Citizen pretends to cry but with no sound.

Guard: Alright, pretty good.  You have a nice day, sir.

Citizen: Thanks.


I mean it's not as bad as trying to get a on a PLANE.  At least you don't have to be naked.  Yet.

Click HERE.