Easter Bunny = too fake: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted March 20, 2008)

Man oh man do I got a lot of problems with this guy.  First of all, why is the Easter Bunny so frequently portrayed as being a strange humanoid?  Why not just a regular rabbit?  It would be a lot more believable for something rodent-sized to sneak into your house, that actually HAPPENS sometimes!  Imagine if the Easter Bunny was real, this big clumsy oaf of a thing prowling around in your home in the middle of the night.  Would little kids even WANT that?  Creep-o-rama.

I don’t like it when the Easter Bunny is at the mall getting his picture taken with children.  Even a two-year-old can tell it’s just a guy in a costume.  He doesn’t look real like Santa Claus does.

and on that note, isn’t the Easter Bunny just a complete rip-off in the first place?  Someone decided it wasn’t enough for kids to get one magical visitor a year.  They had to make up this unnecessarily complicated giant-rabbit-hiding-eggs gimmick.  It’s a big bunch of CRAP if you ask me.


I looked it up and here is the scoop on where the Easter Dummy came from...

Okay you know how rabbits are always gettin it on and having tons of babies?  That is symbolic of springtime when the Earth is fertile.  The rabbits, or "hares," would build these nests to have the babies in and then birds would come and lay eggs there.  I guess the birds figured there was no need to build a new nest from scratch.  I personally would not want to hang out in a hole where a bunch of rabbits just got born but I guess birds don’t care about that.  They would lay their eggs, and since people weren’t too smart in old tymes they thought the rabbit did it.  The eggs are colored to represent the BLOOD of CHRIST.  They used to just color them red but over time they started adding more colors for variety’s sake, kind of like Froot Loops.  Catholic people were not allowed to eat eggs during Lent, so they would save them until Easter and then tell their children to build a nest in a hat and if they were good boys and girls the rabbit would come and lay colored eggs for them.  Well whoop-de-doo.

I guess it’s important to remember that kids in those times had a different standard of fun.  They spent most of their time working in fields and mines until they got polio and died.  The magic colored eggs gave them something to look forward to, and that is why we have the Easter Bunny.


Anyway I think any sensible person would recognize that the whole thing has been blown out of proportion at this point and therefore the Easter Bunny should be officially eliminated.  Maybe have the President go on TV and tactfully inform children that the Easter Bunny has died.  He could say "but he’ll always be with us in our hearts" or something like that.


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