Ireland

With its lush rolling hills and heavy drinking atmosphere, how could any non-Hitlerish person dislike Ireland?

It is a beautiful land filled with shamrocks and leprechauns and Lucky Charms and girls.

HOWEVA (tm Stephen A. Smith), as with all good things, there has to be a catch.  There are parts of Ireland that do not agree on things.  Therefore there is "Northern Ireland" and "Regular Ireland."  There is no "Southern Ireland," because they are not Korea, I guess.

NORTHERN Ireland is a part of the United Kingdom.  The rest is not.  The United Kingdom is a difficult thing to explain.  Mister Magoo himself would be flabbergasted by it.  First of all, you have England, which is like the fuddy-duddy big brother looking after a bunch of sibling brats.  Scotland is the fun-loving and care-free younger brother.  It's like that TV show "Wings" where one brother was older and responsible, and the other was just a dick to everybody.

There is also "Wales."  Wales is the kid brother with A.D.D. that you hide in the basement, but you still genuinely love him.

Anyhoo, Northern Ireland is supposedly included too.  To continue the metaphor, having Northern Ireland in your KINGDOM is like having a sister with nice boobs.  You WANT people to like her, but only if they have good intentions.

Sometimes, between the two different Irelands, there is violence.  It is usually politically-motivated, not alcohol motivated.  Spectacular irony.

Enjoy St. Patrick's Day, everyone.  Raise a pint or two for decent "fellas", like me and that new Pope.

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