Some thoughts on people in the community: a 5-year FLASHBACK blog!

(Originally posted March 7, 2008)

1. Waiters

I gotta say it's a pretty good system we got going with waiters, where it's basically understood that if you're decent to them they won't mess with your food and vice-versa.  I know that some unfortunate people still have not been clued in to this agreement, but that is their own fault at this point.  Pick up a newspaper once in a while!  All you have to do is smile and not complain and your dining experience will almost always be spittle-free.  There is also the bonus privilege of sharing a laugh at the expense of the uninformed.  Many times I have exchanged a knowing wink with a server on his or her way to a grumblesome table with a platter of rigatoni that has surely been peppered with fine scraps of toenail clippings or eyeball crusties in hand.


2. Midgets

I know it ain't too fair to pick on midgets since they are kind of disadvantaged in life but come on, why don't they like being called midgets?  That is totally the best name for them.  It's catchy, descriptive, concise, a real champion term.  Instead we are supposed to call them "little people."  I will cold guarantee that more than half of midgets hate being called that.  It makes them sound like toys, like those old Fisher Price people that had no arms.


3. The Mailman

Do you think mailmen are allowed to make jokes about the killing sprees?  Like when no outsiders are in earshot?  I wonder if a mailman ever brought in a target that got all shot-up at the gun range and put it on his supervisor's door as a joke.  "Just practicing, heh heh."  Also, do you think they enjoy the stereotype of having a lot of sex with people's wives during the day while the husbands are at work?  They probably say that they don't but I bet there are a lot of secret high-fives around the post office.  I imagine a lot of good-natured comradery.  "Hey Mel, did you sex up a lot of women while on your route today?"  "Oh well you know I got to pick up the slack for those of our co-workers who have been shot."  That sort of thing.


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