Unwanted guests at the summer picnic

No, I don't mean your Uncle Ernie that squirts himself a handful of pickle relish and eats it as if it's the same as eating a regular pickle.

No, I don't mean your cousin's latest baby mama that has those disgusting quarter-sized earlobe implants.

and NO, I certainly don't mean your chain-smoking Aunt Eileen that exhales cigarette smoke directly onto the brownies.

I of course mean...

...insects.

Ants are fools.  They have all this alleged strength, but can't coordinate.  Therefore they never get anything good.  Imagine an army of ants working together to steal a cherry tomato, dip it IN the onion dip, and then carry it home.  Never happens though, they don't think right.

Conversely, flies are tons smart.  They only have a lifespan of like 24 hours so they have the good sense to land themselves in the baked beans and quickly devour as much as they can.  "I was just born and am also gonna DIE right after this so I better land here and eat QUICKLY.  #yolo  Ooh, look, pasta salad."

Bees never seem interested in the food.  They just show up to fly in your face and in your ear and to land on your arm, trying to ruin things in general.  Invading the party all like, "Hmmm, what's goin on here, some buuulllshit?  We'll see about THAT."


Those are pretty much the only three insects that care about your picnic.  It's never "Oh my GOD there's a GRASSHOPPER in the POTATO SALAD!"

How come a butterfly doesn't care about your corn-on-the-cob?  They are BUTTERflies.

"Awww look, a ladybug landed right on my hot dog.  How cute."

*CHOMP*


How many ants would it take to carry a watermelon?  Or at least a decent-sized slice of watermelon?  It will never actually happen in life but some scientist should calculate it.  It's what we pay them for.

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