Why can't we have pickle barrels anymore? Stupid health codes, they ruin everything.
a giant pickle does not taste the same unless you retrieve it from a barrel. That is just scientific fact. It's like how the first bite of an apple always tastes best, and M&Ms taste different depending on color.
Do you know how they store and sell pickles now? Individual pouches. That is just no fun at all. Imagine if you went to the county fair and bought a corn dog and they just gave it to you in a sealed bag. You'd want your money back. Also the pouches are made of PLASTIC! That is BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. The wooden barrel is environmentally harmless, and when the pickles are gone you can use the barrel for other things like daredevil stunts and Halloween costumes.
The Health Department needs to get a life. What will they ban next? Chip dip? "People double-dip in there." Maybe someone will be arrested for accidentally sticking his chocolate into someone else's open peanut butter jar.
Another problem is that there are a lot of secret pickle-haters out there in society. You can spot them in restaurants. The pickle comes on the side and they never touch it. I bet some of these weirdos got to be higher-ups in the government. Their stance on pickles was never addressed during the election process. Now there is corruption.
JFK used to smoke Cuban cigars in the White House. I bet they have a pickle barrel in there. Obama probably eats a big Kosher dill every day with his lunch. Unfair.
I'm calling O'Reilly.
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