Miracle Whip needs to calm down

Hey if you ever watch TV you may have seen these commercials in which Miracle Whip is aggressively calling out mayonnaise for being old-fashioned and boring.

What?

This is why I always say it don't take too much in the noggin to work in advertising. The Miracle Whip people sat down at a meeting and this is what happened:

"Okay umm everyone says Miracle Whip is gross. How can we change that?"

"We can't!"

"Well okay then ummm how can we sell more Miracle Whip anyway?"

"Get people to stop buying mayonnaise!"

"Okay umm how?"

"Say that it's bad!"

"It isn't bad though."

"Say that it's gay!"

"Can't."

"Say...that only jerks buy mayonnaise!"

"Hmmm okay good plan let's break for lunch, what do you want?"

"Anything but Miracle Whip it's TERRIBLE!"


Here are some facts.

1) You know what Miracle Whip is made out of? MAYONNAISE. They just mix in a bunch of other stuff. So Miracle Whip is attacking its own principal ingredient. It's like if potato salad came out all ready to start a fight saying "Man, mayonnaise SUCKS a BIG ONE don't eat that stuff" and then "...unless you add potatoes, celery, mustard, sweet pickles, and a little paprika to it!"

2) You know who makes Miracle Whip? Kraft. You know what else Kraft makes? MAYONNAISE. WHAT THE HELL?

Kraft also makes about a million other popular food items. Is this marketing strategy going to continue? "Hey yo spaghetti is wack, you should only eat macaroni and cheese." "You still eat ice cream? That is so 90s. Try just a big bowl of Cool Whip instead!"

The negative campaigning has got to stop. First all the Presidents were doing it and now this. Miracle Whip just better hope that mayo doesn't strike BACK cause there's lots that could be said, believe me.

"Hey Miracle Whip...didn't your company used to sell...cigarettes?"

"Did not...your chicken salad recipe...once ruin a baby shower..."