Volcano!

The big news this past week was the eruption of a volcano in Iceland, and the subsequent mayhem that ensued. The entire continent of Europe was shrouded in a massive cloud of ash. Many airline flights and falconing shows had to be cancelled. People were stranded for many days. Women that were whisked off to Paris for a romantic rendez-vous weekend were stuck there so long that they got fat and crabby again. All of this happened completely without warning, except for the multiple earthquakes that were detected exactly underneath the volcano over the past few months.

Those of you with little education may not fully understand what a volcano is, so I will explain it to you. Inside the earth there are many hot and dangerous things. There is lava, fire, MAGMA, poison gas, smoke, and sediments. When something causes a tremor beneath the surface, like an earthquake or a train full of elephants falling over, some of the bad stuff bubbles over and escapes through a rupture in the earth's crust. It's a very bad scene for anyone that is standing around the volcano when this happens, so most scientists advise that you stay away from them. Then again scientists are always saying not to do everyday things, such as drink beer or poke q-tips into your ear canal, so their advice is always to be taken with a grain of salt.

Volcanoes are a part of nature, but also very bad for the environment. It is an inconsistency that most people choose to overlook, like how Bugs Bunny cartoons were sort of racist sometimes.

BREAKING (BAD) NEWS: Apparently there is an even larger volcano right next to the erupting volcano and the President of Iceland says that one is probably gonna erupt, too. He says that governments and airports need to accept the reality of this impending doom and make the necessary preparations. I'm really not sure how he expects people to PREPARE for a volcanic eruption that's a thousand miles away.

"Do your Christmas shopping early this year."

"If you're painting a fence, pick a color other than white cause it's probably gonna get dirty."