Bigfoot

What's the matter with you? Quit hiding.

The LEGEND of Bigfoot goes as follows:

a big hairy ape-looking guy was in the woods.

Hence extreme fascination. DOES HE EXIST? Bigfoot is not alleged to have massacred anybody. He don't eat cattle. He doesn't stalk suckas. The legacy of Bigfoot is that he hangs out peacefully somewhere in the Pacific Northwest.

It is a much different lifestyle than that of Bigfoot, the famous monster truck. That's right FAMOUS MONSTER TRUCK. Who drives it? Nobody knows. But the truck lives a much different lifestyle than the monster. While the monster enjoys the quiet solitude of the wilderness, the truck hangs out in big loud auditoriums with lots of explosions and screaming people. So you can see where they got the name.

The truck has also had the honor of being inducted into the Monster Truck Hall of Fame. Is.....someone else.....in the Monster Truck Hall of Fame? and how do you induct a truck properly? Did people clap? If so I bet the truck appreciated it.

It's 2010 now, and everyone has a camera in their phone. You can snap photos of everything all the time. Yet Bigfoot sightings don't seem to be reported too much anymore. and I'm talking about the ape again, not the truck. If you have a picture of the truck on your phone, I don't want to see it. Well maybe if it's a blurry picture of the truck in the woods running over trees I will take a look at it. But anyway how come no more Bigfoot sightings? Not as interesting as celebrity nipples I guess. The bar has been raised.

Finally I would like to point out that "Bigfoot" is not a good name. Every part of him is big, not just his foot. The name "Bigfoot" would be better suited to some weird kid in homeroom that is normal sized but has one really big foot, like 13 inches. and then the other foot is normal. People would be like "Do you know Bigfoot?" "Yeah, Bigfoot's cool. We got high." "Cool, man."

"Bigfoot took my sister to the prom..."

"She didn't put out, though."