a blog about FRUIT

Bananas are probably the most popular. They are easy to eat, loaded with POTASSIUM, and come with a free sticker. and the part you throw away is on the OUTSIDE. That is tons convenient. Most other fruits are pretty on the outside, but there is something nasty lurking in the middle. How much of the peach can you get away with eating before you encounter the pit? If I asked that question rhetorically it could be SONG lyrics.

Do you like eating an orange? Me too. You peel it, scrape the white stuff off, take it apart, get rid of the seeds, wash your hands, eat the orange, spit out the seeds you missed, and then wash your hands again. Satisfying snack right there. Perfect for on-the-go.

Once you get a piece of apple skin between your teeth, you are fucked for life. So how come nobody ever peels an apple? It's because a peeled apple looks uncomfortably naked. If someone handed you one you would have to smell it to figure out what it was. Imagine a peeled apple with little arms and legs quickly putting a towel on. "Do you MIND?"

If you smashed a coconut and a pineapple together, which would win? How come fruits that complement alcohol also tend to make the best weapons? Does a drunk, angry guy in a bar ever start swinging a pineapple around threateningly? Another guy picks up a coconut for defense. Everyone else flees.

a cherry goes on the top of a sundae. There should be another one hidden at the bottom. Everyone would like that.

Not too many people eat mangos. That's why they lend themselves so well to gourmet cuisine. No frame of reference. "Here is some goose liver with chipotle mango dressing. If you don't like this then you just don't know good food!" If you know what the fruit tastes like ahead of time, you are more skeptical. "Here is a steak with some blueberries." "Hey, that ain't right."

Grapes are neat because they turn into raisins, and that is a completely different food! and then even wine will eventually turn into vinegar. All without having to do anything. When you leave other foods sitting around they just turn into garbage. Sometimes I like to give false hopes to children. "Leave a peanut out on your windowsill. In the morning it will turn to metal."

If you ever order a fruit basket, make sure you know what's in it! Otherwise they could take liberties. "Here's your fruit basket, sir. Figs, yellow apples, and a grapefruit." Don't get burned like I did.