Cops

Cops have good attention to detail.

"The suspect is a 5'6" Korean male wearing a grey hoodie, dark pants, black leather belt, a pair of Nike Air Force Ones, no socks, and a Lance Armstrong cancer bracelet. He sped off in a 2001 Hyundai Elantra GLS Sedan, color either mahogany or sinopia, with a taped up rear-view mirror and approximately 1/4 of a roll of masking tape on the dashboard."

I could never be a cop.

Someone: "Hey what kind of car do you drive?"

Me: "a blue one."

Someone: "Cool, what year is it?"

Me: "It's.....I don't know, I forgot to ask the guy."

Can you be a police officer if you are afraid of horses? No, but I bet some of them try to fake it.

"You're on horse patrol today."

"Ummm, okay. I'll meet you there."

Then later...

"WHERE WERE YOU? You never showed up to get on the horse."

"Oh I thought you meant we'd meet AT the parade."

"Are you stupid? You know we always meet at the secret underground police horse stable."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Gee too bad I missed my chance to ride the horse."

"No you didn't, he's right behind you!"

"AHHH!"

Cops usually like to call you "sir." They would make good butlers. They dress neatly, show up for work on time, and are attentive to people's needs. Then again most butlers are murderers, so it would be a conflict of interest.

Some cops work "undercover." That means they get to dress up as somebody else. Then when they catch somebody doing something wrong, they say "a-HA! I wasn't REALLY a vagrant!" It's like Halloween and April Fools Day rolled into one, plus you get to throw somebody in jail at the end.

Police officers provide a huge variety of services. I wonder how they decide which cops get to do what stuff? "Officer 1, you'll be riding around in a patrol car all night. Officer 2, you'll be standing outside Tom Petty's door and guarding him. Officer 3, put this hat on and go pretend to look for hookers. Officer 4, an old lady may be dead in a retirement home bathtub. Go check it out. Officer 5, it's after 8pm. Go make sure nobody is still at the beach. Officer 6, go to a place where an ambulance and two fire trucks have already arrived and ask if there's anything you can do."

It is against the law to offer a policeman a bribe. Where is the line drawn there? If they show up at a suspect's house, can his elderly Italian mother be like "He's-a not here. But come IN! I made a nice-a manicotti. You boys are too THIN! Eat! EAT!"

or an artist in the park...

"While you were snooping around for people selling drugs, I sketched this portrait of you. I would like you to have it."

"That's a great portrait, sir, but no thanks."

"Come on, take it. It's you. No one else would want this."