Halloween decorations up already, eh?

and hey, why not? It's only 31 days away. The sooner you cover the front of your home with fake cobwebs, the better.

If I may DISPENSE with the SARCASM, I would like to say that I am VERY ASHAMED of all of you. There's no Halloween "season." I think everyone is confused by Christmas. Christmas involves a lot of shopping, caroling, cookie-baking, tree-decorating, football games, holiday specials, hot tub parties, trips to visit Santa at the mall, sleigh-riding, school pageants, snowball fights, and church. It takes a long time to get that all in, and it's nice to see holiday decorations around while you're doing it.

Halloween isn't like that at all. Once you buy the candy, costumes, and carve a pumpkin, you don't have to do anything Halloween-oriented until the 31st. and that's good, because a lot of other stuff is happening in October! Politicians are screaming at each other for being immoral liars as Election Day draws near. Baseball season is almost over. Doesn't anybody care about the WORLD SERIES anymore? and what about OKTOBERFEST? You can get drunk during the day and not hide it! and I think a certain Mr. Christopher Columbus (ever heard of HIM?) would have a thing or two to say about jumping the gun with this Halloween garbage.

Yet here we are, still in September and you can't visit a store or walk your dog or loiter on a neighborhood street without seeing witches and mummies and happy little ghosts. What are all these ghosts SMILING at? Because they know Thanksgiving is gonna get the shaft again?

Some will try to argue, "Well we do it because it's fun for the kids." Shut-up. Since when does anybody care what kids like? They'd eat candy for breakfast on the 4th of July if you let them. If you want kids to be happy stop giving them so much homework.

I am gonna make a point by celebrating all holidays six weeks ahead of time. May 21st? Break out the fireworks. February 3rd? Drunk on green beer in public. November 20th? HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Another thing I might try, when people put up their Halloween decorations too soon, is stealing them and throwing them away. That can become a new tradition, like pinching someone for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day.

By the way I will not celebrate Thanksgiving six weeks ahead of time in case people think I am Canadian.