Wedding food

Anyone that goes to a lot of weddings has been through this routine. You go up to the buffet and are given a plate that is about the size of a half-dollar. Then you have to figure out how to best pile a human-sized meal onto it.

You have really worked up an appetite from all the dressing and driving and church. Got a cocktail in you and are ready to tear it up. EVERYTHING looks good! First up is the salad. There's no salad BOWLS, you just have to put some salad loose on your plate along with everything else. But you figure "yes, salad is awesome" and take some. Then you GOT to have a ROLL. Plate is filling up quickly but who cares, this is gonna be the best meal ever.

The hits keep coming. Oh wow MASHED POTATOES. Are those MINIATURE CORN ON THE COBS? Giant scoop of rigatoni sure would hit the spot. and you HAVE to take some vegetables. What if your grandmother sees you skipping the vegetables and comes over to yell at you?

Now your plate is full. You get to the end of the line, where they have the entree options. It turns out they have steak, fried chicken, prime rib, whole Maine lobsters, Beef Wellington, and fish. Yet your plate is full of rigatoni and asparagus and a giant roll. Hmmmmm.

Usually when people eat, they do not like certain foods touching. You don't want the gravy to touch the cole slaw, or to get ketchup on your ham. At weddings all of that goes out the window. You can put the roll on TOP of the pasta, the corn on top of the potatoes, and make some space by quickly eating the salad while still standing in the line. I mean it's salad, it's SUPPOSED to get eaten first! Then you can just throw some steak and chicken and fish on top of everything and you are all set to eat!

Why do they set up the buffet that way? It's backwards. When you go to a restaurant you pick out your entree and THEN they ask you what sides you want. Next time I go to a wedding I am personally gonna move all the plates to the other end. It will be revolutionary.

Another good plan would be for everybody at the table to make an official pact to all get up together for a second time and go get all the food items they couldn't fit on the first plate. That way nobody has to feel like they're interrupting or missing part of the conversation. Or you could bring your own, large-size platter or plate, like in a briefcase so it looks all dignified and matches your suit. But then what would you do with it after dinner? What if the server tried to TAKE it? It would be nice if they would wash it for you and then just give it back, but that probably wouldn't happen.

Of course there are sit-down type dinners at weddings too. When that happens, everything looks so nice on the plate. There might be less food, but it's all appropriated better. Everyone wants their wedding to be perfect. If it's someone like Prince William or Michael Jordan getting married they spare no expense to make sure everything is elegant and fancy. I would like to go to a wedding SO CLASSY that when you pick out items from the buffet they have special experts that arrange it on the plate for you. That would be such a nice personal touch.

Or, you know, just a wedding with big plates.