Tombstones and celebrations and books

Drug dealers use a lot of baggies. One of them should be a SPOKESMAN. "Look. I can shake this thick, greasy chili around in this baggie and it don't even leak. You GOT to have this for your shit."

What officially constitutes a "celebration?" When somebody says "Let's celebrate!" what is the most minimal thing that needs to occur in order to do so? It seems like something just needs to happen that usually doesn't.

"There are usually not 20 people in the kitchen."

"I usually do not spike a football really hard and then dance like a bird."

"I do not usually smile this much while drinking Pepsi."

How do they make tombstones these days? Does a guy still chisel them by hand or is it done with computers now? Cause if it's done with computers, are there typos? How about emoticons?

R.I.P. PETER JAMES MOYNIHAN

@)--;-'---

1923-2011 :'(

Some people have talking birds as pets. Do they have to teach it what to say or do they come pre-programmed? Either way, talking birds sure say a lot of stupid things. I think the pet store could charge more for a bird that blurted out historical facts or good tidbits of advice.

"A GOOD DEED IS ITS OWN REWARD. ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS SHOT IN 1865. SQUAWK!"

Kid's books are not very long. They read them quickly, and read multiple books in a row. I would read a lot more if adult books were like that.

pg. 1) a woman is lonely.

pg. 4) Her ex-husband wants back into her life.

pg. 10) He abducts their baby.

pg. 15) She shoots him. The end.

(On the last page there is a picture of the dead body.)

Can a wiccan person (aka witch) be a cleaning lady? If so, how does she feel about sweeping up? It's a broom, man. and if she ever felt like quitting would she just say "Fuck this!" and TAKE OFF?

Some fast food places are set up so that you get to scrutinize the person making the food. Do the workers mind being STARED AT all day? They never make eye contact until they are done. I like to put the workers at ease by yelling out "Just pretend I'm not here!" and why DON'T they make eye contact? What are they afraid of? I would be holding up slices of cheese and meat all tantalizing. "Ohhhhhh...you want some Monteray JACK on that?" Then slap it on the sandwich and yell "BAM!" like Emeril. If you treat somebody like a zoo animal they should have the option to perform like one.