April Fools Day

The worst day to die. Everyone will be all skeptical. The best day to FAKE your death is probably March 30th. That way you can pull off the best April Fools Day joke ever when you pop out of the casket two days later. Don't do that though, people will get pissed. Especially if they had to miss work.

It's hard to fool people these days. Not like in old tymes, when men frequently wore flowers on their lapels. They would say "Hey, want to smell this FLOWER?" and another guy would say "Yes, DEFINITELY" and then lean in only to be assaulted with a stream of water.

"APRIL FOOLS!"

These days it would be pretty hard to get someone to attempt to smell you or something on your body. If you're a man, at least.

Another good one was the can of peanut brittle that turns out to have springy snakes inside. You would say to someone "Hey, want some peanut brittle?" and they'd say "Sure!" and open it, and then the snakes would pop out and momentarily SURPRISE them, much to the prankster's delight. Plus the added sting of not getting to eat peanut brittle.

"APRIL FOOLS!"

Now I have an important question. WHO THE F IN THE WORLD EATS PEANUT BRITTLE? and furthermore WHO WALKS AROUND WITH PEANUT BRITTLE IN A CAN OFFERING IT TO PEOPLE? The same exact gag should be contemporized with Pringles. and maybe a big springy penis comes popping out instead of the snakes. If a representative of the Pringles corporation is reading this and likes my idea please e-mail me.

Another great oldschool prank was rigging a doorway so that a bucket of confetti would dump out onto someone's head. Imagine if that went horribly wrong. The bucket itself falls, metal edge splits the person's head open, blood everywhere, everybody screaming...

"APRIL FOOLS!"

and even if you pull that joke off right, SO WHAT? You got confetti all over somebody. It's paper, not SEMEN.

So what IS the best joke to play on someone in the year 2012? Well, there is one that never gets old. a comedy classic. a prank that is effective no matter how many times you pull it.

I'm referring to hiding around a corner and shouting "BOO!" at somebody.

It's more of a Halloween type prank, since you're not really "fooling" the other person, but still. Nothing is more hilarious than hiding around a corner and then shouting "BOO!" Try it on your boss. Wouldn't you like to see your boss almost have a heart attack? If your boss is a man, that is. If it's a lady she might pee her pants. Either way you will earn the respect of your peers, and solidify your reputation as the "workplace jokester."

(Note to children: This stunt also works really well on school principals. Especially because they are always walking around in the halls, which have lots of corners.)

Anyway, have a happy holiday. and if you're wondering if anybody really DID die today, the answer is yes. Dan Fogelberg.






"APRIL FOOLS!"

He didn't really die today, he died a long time ago.