People getting killed by icicles

How does this happen? Seems PRETTY unlikely, but everyone swears by it. They yell at you all "DON'T STAND UNDER THAT ICICLE, YOU'LL BE KILLED!" Yesterday I stood under an icicle for TWO HOURS and nothing happened. So who's right and who's wrong? Let's look at the FACTS.

First of all I will concede that icicles can grow to be very sharp and heavy. That does seem like a lethal combination. But here's the thing, icicles don't just fall down at random. They stay frozen and attached until it gets warm, and then they melt. It is an important part of the cycle of life. God knew what he was doing when he invented stuff like icicles.

Now you're going to say "but I heard that a whole roof collapsed from too many icicles and twelve old ladies got crushed in an avalanche of ice." Well come on you can't blame the ICICLES for that. Weak roof. Too much of anything on a roof will make it collapse. Put 4,000 pounds of jellybeans on a roof and see if a catastrophe doesn't happen.

(Note: Don't do that REALLY.)

and here's an important question. Why would anybody be underneath an icicle? Is someone painting his house in WINTER? No one leans up against a house or building unless they are smoking or up to some kind of other trouble. If a guy is hiding in an alleyway waiting to sell drugs or do bad murders and an icicle falls on him, I'm all for it.

and EVEN WHEN THAT HAPPENS, what are the odds that the icicle is going to fall and pierce you right through the top of your head? 1 out of 3 at best. You have two shoulders it could fall on, but only one head. I like those odds. Maybe it makes a sound before it falls. If that happens, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Don't stand right underneath it looking straight up like "What's with this icicle? Looks like it's gonna fal..." Ice and brains everywhere.