Health care

Well the health care reform bill has been passed. Everyone is now confused and enraged. People on television, radio, and neighborhood streets will not stop yelling about it. Their anger knows no bounds. So what's the big deal? I will explain all the sweeping changes to you.

Some people, mostly artists and restaurant employees, used to like to bum around without health insurance. This will no longer be tolerated. So now they gotta pay for it, and the money will be used to buy medicine for old people.

You also have to pay a steep tax if you use a tanning salon. Many high school girls and pro wrestlers are outraged by this, but it is a fair tax. It always costs more money if you want to look good. Believe me, I know.

If people don't have enough money for health insurance, there are subsidies. You can get one of those by filling out paperwork and mailing it in. Don't forget the stamp!

There has also been talk of getting rid of certain "donut holes." I'm not sure why donut holes are being targeted, specifically, but they are definitely fattening and unnecessary. So I say get 'em out.




Finally there is this new law where slackers in their 20s get to stay on their parents' health insurance plan. Because that's what slackers need, more freebies. They are probably all gonna try to sign up for medicinal marijuana. or those painkillers that are all the rage these days. They should make a rule where you are only covered if you get a decent haircut. Then when they show up for the "medicine" hit them with a surprise job interview. Progressive thinking.

What is the point of all this? To pay the federal defecit. Experts believe that if all goes well, the debt will be paid somewhere around the time that we're all dead. But at least our children will be cared for. They'll probably be covered up to something like age 50 by then.