The Royal Wedding!

Finally!

After many months of disinterest, it has been announced. Prince William is getting MARRIED. To a LADY.

The wedding is expected to take place sometime this summer, maybe fall. Once you decide to get married you have to wait awhile because all the halls are already rented. Also you have to plan a menu. That will be challenging for them because British food is not too good. They will probably have to send out.

The woman he is marrying gets to be QUEEN of ENGLAND eventually. Which brings up a good point, can't the regular queen DIE already? I'm so sick of her. She is old and boring. It's time to change things up, a hot queen would be so awesome. We still have to wait through Charles and all of that, but he is getting pretty old himself! Kind of a gyp for him, he's been waiting a LONG TIME to get on that throne. He must be bitter.

The wedding is probably going to be on television. All ladies everywhere will watch it. Men are advised to select an alternate activity for that day, such as sitting in a chair in the garage or fishing. It's gonna be horrible, like a 14-hour Sex and the City movie that's on TV for free. Women act strangely about weddings. They scream and cry, but are also happy. They buy wedding magazines, even if there are no known weddings scheduled to happen.

The wedding day has already been announced to be a national holiday in England. Don't even THINK of trying to go to the library, a celebrity is getting married! It is British custom to have ridiculous priorities.

Wedding invitations have not been sent out yet, but it is assumed that hundreds of important people will be invited, including Barack Obama and the Pope. Not too many kids from freshman dorm will make the guest list. Just celebrities and old people. Old BRITISH people, men that drink tea and women that use eyeglasses on a stick. None of these people will participate in the Electric Slide. Well I guess Obama might. He is always trying to prove that he is a fun guy that's in good shape. What bands are they getting? If Eric Clapton is there singing "Wonderful Tonight" it might top Harry Potter as the worst British thing that ever happened.

and of course there's the BIG wedding question. Who will GET DRUNK? Sean Connery and the President of Ireland will become confused and start looking around for a place to throw darts. Prince Harry will shake himself after taking in an eyeful of some relative's meaty collarbone area for a bit too long. Desmond Tutu will ease into the next morning thinking "I rather like that Y-M-C-A..."