Officially sick of winter

The groundhog did his thing, which means it's now that time of year when winter ain't too cool no more.

What happens is every September I wake up stuck to the couch in this sunburnt haze, delirious from all the mosquito venom and thinking "Oh man I should probably mow the lawn except it's all brown and burnt plus I saw some killer bees back there and besides when it's almost one-hundred degrees don't doctors say you need to avoid hard labor and ozone and such? I just heard on the news that an old man died."

and then I think "Hey you know what I like? I like WINTER. That is the stuff. Winter is when it snows all beautiful and you stamp off your feet in the doorway of your friend's house getting ready to watch hockey all with the fireplace roaring and cold beers that you can keep right outside in the snow, then Christmas comes and ladies in sweaters are in the kitchen baking cookies and kids are laughin and sleddin all over the place. WINTER is what I like and that is DEFINITE."

So I keep an eye on the weather forecast, anxious for snow. One morning, frost will come, killing all plant life. Then it gets cold and rains a lot and everything is wet and muddy for a very long time.

Then what tends to happen is we get one real huge whopper of a snowfall all at once. Everything has to be cancelled, but that's okay. It's winter! All the fathers who got new snowblowers for Father's Day can't wait to finally show off for the neighbors. Children both smart and dumb are thrilled to be out of school. Mothers are pretty much unaffected since they are almost never happy anyway.

The year ends, and everyone is tired from the holidays. Outside is no longer a beautiful blanket of white, there is grey and brown and sometimes YELLOW and deadly maniac icicles are hanging from everywhere.

Now I am having different thoughts than before. "More of this CRAP man I hate scrapin the car and how every time you walk into a store there's that completely saturated dark slushy mat that you're supposed to wipe your feet on. Sick of payin so much for tomatoes and lookin at salty pantlegs everywhere and wtf did I just see somebody eatin a damn CANDY CANE it's like almost February."

So I guess it should be awhile before anything is fun again. February is just a bitch-ass month. They always try to invent little things to dress it up but nothing sticks too well. Making those Lincoln and Washington silhouettes at school was a complete waste of time and hearts are not a good-tasting shape. I wonder if maybe there's some Mexican holiday people don't know about yet, those are usually fun ones.