How come nobody gets shot at Target?

(Shot/Target ha ha get it?)

BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS...

Why is every holiday shooting, trampling, and/or pepper-spraying always at actual Wal-mart itself? Do hostile poor people just really really love going there, specifically? I have seen low-brow hotheads in other places. Why does nobody get stabbed at Denny's? How come there's no violence at the Home Depot? They sell a lot of weapons there.

Wal-mart is in denial. They have neither accepted nor acknowledged that holiday shopping violence is their "thing." But everyone knows this to be true. There are youtubes.

I feel bad for the Wal-mart staff. Not only is there a good chance that their lives suck in general but they also are made to work at 3am the morning after a holiday, and then when they show up they get shot at and trampled. Do they still have the elderly greeter person at the door when the crowd rushes in the second they open? If that person pretends to take any pride in their work WHATSOEVER that is the exact time to put-up or shut-up. Greet EVERY SINGLE PERSON as they are trampling their way past you. You cannot accept your paycheck with a clear conscience unless you can do so.

Most of the violence seems to occur in "electronics." It's fighting over X-Box and Playstation and phones. Call me old-fashioned but I miss the good old days when holiday shoppers would beat each other to death in the toy department. There's a lot more room for creative license in the toy department, there's so much cool stuff around. Imagine cracking someone right on top of their head with one of those Fisher Price corn pop push toys.

Imagine whipping a Nerf ball into someone's face. "Ha ha, that didn't hurt." Then you mace them.

Disclaimer: DON'T BE VIOLENT.

All kidding aside, this "Black Friday" thing has RUINED Thanksgiving. Christopher Columbus would not approve. So how do we fix it? Well here's an idea: Make everybody go to work! Employers everywhere can stick it to Big Retail by showing that THEY can be greedy TOO. No more getting the day after Thanksgiving off. Take Halloween off instead since THAT'S the day everybody LOVES.

In fact Halloween should be the new super nutjob shopping/shooting/trampling day. Just combine all the idiocy into one big looney fest. Bunch of retards in Dracula and Batman costumes choking and punching each other to nab a $15 DVD player. Old man at Wal-mart passing out candy at the door, someone dressed as Captain America pepper-sprays him and runs off with the candy, police are busy putting handcuffs on a MUMMY, would be bliss.