Notice it's always young people. "I am 34 and decided my wife might like a Lexus for Christmas. The kids are each getting their own 48" flat screens. That way they won't have to share. No fights!"
Is the woman in this relationship allowed to make any decisions? Who takes $79,000 out of the bank and doesn't tell their spouse? Next year she should surprise HIM. Stop taking her birth control. Imagine that scene.
They meet under the mistletoe in the wee hours of Christmas morning...
Husband: I know it's early but I couldn't wait.
Wife: I couldn't wait either!
Husband: You know, I think I love you more and more every Christmas.
Wife: I know, that's why I decided to get you something EXTRA special.
She hands him a small, gift-wrapped box, and inside is a pacifier.
Husband: It's...beautiful...?
Wife: Not as beautiful as our new baby boy is going to be. I'm thinking Joshua, for the name.
Husband: That's...wonderful...... I mean I circled that new set of clubs in Golf Digest and left it on the coffee table. Did you not see that?
Wife: Merry Christmas, sweetheart. By the way the Lexus has a ding in it.
Also get out of here with these commercials where Santa Claus is endorsing cars. He would not do that, he doesn't even drive. He has a magic sleigh.
There should be a commercial in which Santa is driving in his car with a bunch of presents in the back seat. He would be speeding down a dark country road, looking at his watch all like "Oh man, got to get these delivered!"
Then a reindeer steps into the road and Santa Claus goes "AUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHA!" and hits the brakes, but the car slides, and the scene pauses just before impact.
Then a deep-voiced man says, "This wouldn't happen.........if Santa drove a Mercedes."
I would also like to see one of those commercials where the kid sneaks into the house early in the morning and wakes everybody up by making Folgers coffee. His parents are of course awakened by the aroma, and they rush down to hug him all like "PETER, YOU'RE HOME!"
Then he asks "So why is there a car in the driveway with a giant bow on it?" The father rolls his eyes and says "It was supposed to be a SURPRISE you DICK."
tHe BeSt PaRt Of WaKinG uP...
Dad all sulking at the kitchen table drinking coffee, takes the music box out of his pocket and just throws it.
...iS fOlGeRs In YoUr CuP!
Do people ever get crappy used cars as Christmas gifts? Like a teenager that just got his license? That would actually be sort of heartwarming. Dad hands him a little music box and he's like "What's THIS?" and then he opens it and it plays the "Crazy Bout a Ford Truck" song. The kid looks out the window and sees a 1995 Ford Ranger in the driveway with "MERRY CHRISTMAS" written on the windshield and starts screaming and jumping around going nuts.
Little sister all jealous because "all" she got was an i-pod, kid wants everybody to pile in the back so he can drive them to CHURCH.
I paint a pretty picture sometimes, no?
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