More on video games

Okay so over the past week I have learned everything there is to learn about video games. The main thing is that people like to play video games that are also Legos.

I was pretty surprised to find this out. Doesn't exactly COMPUTE. "I would like to play out Pirates of the Caribbean as a video game. and also I would like all of the people and things in the game to be made out of Legos."

WHY?

The main thing that would appeal to me about Legos would be smashing them. Is that what you get to do? Because in real life you would have to clean up and rebuild and stuff. If your Xbox makes a giant Lego tower for you in like 1 second, and then you get the childish thrill of kicking it over, I could sort of see the appeal. "MAKE ME A NEW ONE NOW, SLAVE." Sad little Lego janitor is seen sweeping up the pieces, and then a new even bigger tower is immediately right there for you. "I HATE MY JOB AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS. TAKE THIS!" and it's smashed all over the place again.

But that apparently is not what these games are. It's really just being Batman or Indiana Jones, except in LEGO form. Weird. and why Legos and not other outdated toys? Wouldn't you like to play Etch-a-Sketch on your HD flatscreen TV? Wouldn't you like to see a Harry Potter that's made out of Play-Doh squished into spaghetti with the Fun Factory? That would be really soothing to the brain.


Some video games market themselves as "exercise." You dance around on a pad or punch air. That might be a really good time and all, but a computer program is not going to help you achieve physical fitness. Not unless they ratchet it up a few notches, that is.

I have this idea for a new game called Wii-90X. Really intense workout. Invisible hula hoop gyrations until you throw up from exhaustion. Super Mario Ab Ripper. Fat kids and other video game nerds always want to "beat the game." Wii-90X would be really tough to beat, it would take weeks of pain and discipline and commitment. Irresistible challenge to the average "gamer." They would diligently hunt down all the cracks and cheat codes needed to get around the fitness.


a lot of the most popular games involve killing, shooting, and crime. You get to take a machine gun to bad guys in a war, or slash the heads off zombies in a tomb. I think it is time to take the battle over car insurance into the gaming realm. Grand Theft Auto: Insurance Contract. You could play as Progressive Flo and go around shooting geckos and cavemen and the Allstate guy.

Imagine blasting the Allstate guy with a shoulder missile and he explodes into Lego pieces. Ultimate gaming moment right there. Imagine Progressive Flo and Erin Esurance kicking and ripping off each other's heads like in Mortal Kombat. Imagine opening a briefcase and there's a note that says "Orakpoed" and then a bomb goes off.


Well, I guess that about exhausts my interest in video games. Back to normal next week. Any remaining questions please ask a fat kid.


This is Lego Flo: