The flower blog

It's that time of year! Spring is on the way, and soon flowers will be popping up everywhere. Flowers are an important staple in our culture. They are very beautiful and can be found in almost every decent home. This blog will tell you about all the different flowers you can buy, use, or smell.

It is considered very romantic to give a lady a bouquet of roses. Or else just one, for romantic guys that are also poor. Violets are not usually given to people. They are mainly just known for being blue, which is the color that rhymes with the most stuff. Poets and even some songwriters have stooped to mentioning the blueness of violets on quite a few occasions. "a rose is red, a violet is blue, the duck goes quack, and the cow says moo." See? Easy money.

Tulips are the only flower to have enjoyed a "mania." Tulip mania swept the Netherlands in the early part of the 17th century, and they have been a mainstay in that country ever since. No one is sure why they went so cuckoo over tulips, but it's important to remember that Dutch people are high a lot of the time and there was no television to look at back then. Ever stared at a windmill while on drugs? Don't do it at miniature golf, there's too many families around.

Some flowers that are also girl names:

- Daisy
- Lily
- Iris
- Rose

"Petunia" used to be another one but it has been discontinued. Chrysanthemum does not get used as a name because it is too hard to spell, even for boys.

The most hated flower is the dandelion. Except in vegetarian circles, they like to EAT them. It is the main issue that divides vegetarians and school groundskeepers that ride big lawn-mowing tractors. You can also harvest dandelions and use them to make WINE, but only if you know how.

Okay now I need to address a sensitive topic. It may be shocking to hear, but flowers are actually the reproductive organs of plants. Yep, THOSE reproductive organs. It is something that most people don't like to think about. a woman at a wedding doesn't want to hear "Oh I love those genitals in your hair!" I guess a lot of men would still like wearing the boutonniere. Pointing at it all like "Check THIS out." Broccoli is a flower too, btw. Think about THAT next time you're EATING IT.

Well, that's about all there is to know about flowers. Sorry this took a perverse turn towards the end but I think I was pretty tactful. If you have more questions about flowers and their organs you can try talking to your local botanist. It may even lead to something!