My new advice column

Okay in addition to writing entertaining and informative blogs, I will now also give advice.

The main people that have written advice columns have traditionally been women.  As if women know everything.  What if someone has a question about locker room etiquette?  You can't go running to Miss Manners with something like that!  She's probably never been in one.  and do you really trust Dear Abby to tell you on which date ladies should put out?  I wonder what she'd say?  "Like the 80th."

So the problem is how will my "readers" know that I am out there as a resource?  How do you get an advice column STARTED?

Since I had no letters to print, I tried just walking around the neighborhood asking anyone who was outside (I did not knock on doors, I know people hate that) if they were in need of advisement.  Most people said no.  This one guy named Jim said he needed help figuring out why his lawnmower wouldn't start.  He thought it might be the carburetor, but said that if I knew anything about lawnmowers, he wouldn't mind a second opinion.  He gave it a good pull, and sure enough, it didn't start.  I told Jim that I didn't know if it was the carburetor or not, and then "advised" him to take it to a "shop."  He sort-of said thanks.  I then tried asking him if he was having any trouble in his marriage, but he said things were fine.

I thought I saw a good opportunity when I moved on to this busier street where a group of people were waiting for the bus.  Being familiar with the neighborhood bus schedule, I was able to advise them that the bus wouldn't be coming for at least another 20 minutes.  They said some shit about how they already knew that but couldn't MAKE the bus show up as soon as their work shifts ended.  Whatever.

Anyway, that's not the kind of advice I really want to give anyway.  I was thinking more about domestic arguments, rifts between friends, people being out to get you at work, family members on DRUGS, love triangles, how to get girls, etc.

SO next time you have a problem and don't know where to turn, please e-mail me at CaptainDanAdvice@yahoo.com and if it's one of the most entertaining problems, I'll be glad to help you! (For free.)


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