The Facts of Life

First of all this blog is not about the birds and the bees and how to "do it."  If you are a confused youth seeking answers to questions please consult a parent, clergyman, or school gym teacher.

This blog is about the FACTS of LIFE.

The Facts of Life was a hugely popular sitcom set in an all-girls boarding school.  Perfect premise right there.  an old lady named Mrs. Garrett was assigned to look after the girls and keep their hijinks in check.  After one season it was determined that there were too many girls to keep tabs on, so the cast was whittled down to the four strongest characters.


1) Blair

Blair was the most popular girl at the school.  You would be too if you spent nine hours a day brushing your hair.  She was also rich.  SO RICH that she spent the entire series sharing a home with four or more people.  and like other rich kids, she also had to work in the school kitchen.  As a nod to her family's money and influence, the cafeteria's sloppy joe was renamed the "Blair Warner." (citation needed)

2) Tootie

Not her real name, nobody would do that to a kid.  For the bulk of the series, Tootie was the only minority in the cast (they added a gimmicky Australian girl towards the very end).  She was also the youngest of the girls and the only person in the world that enjoyed the music of Jermaine Jackson.  Tootie was generally regarded as the "troublemaker" of the group.  Like most troublemakers, she wore roller skates and braces.

3) Jo

Jo was added to the cast in season #2 to SHAKE THINGS UP!  She rode a motorcycle and liked to use strong language and work on cars.  Well it was TV-friendly strong language, no b-words or c-words or even d-words.  Some of Jo's antics included shoplifting, wrecking a school van, and convincing the other girls to sneak into a bar with fake IDs.  She was not regarded as the troublemaker of the group.  Tootie was way worse with her gossiping and other rules violations such as roller skating indoors.  Blair and Jo became fast enemies because Blair was rich and Jo was poor.  Poor people ride motorcycles in high school.

4) Natalie aka FATALIE

Seriously, who scripts a fat girl to have a name with a syllable that rhymes with "fat?"  I can hardly think of any other girls names that have such a syllable, so it must have been deliberate.  In fact I think the writers may have been having fun rhyming ALL of the girls' names with something.  "Blair" rhymes with "hair," "Tootie" rhymes with "booty," "Jo" rhymes with....."Joe."  Like most fat girls, Natalie wanted to be a writer.


***BONUS***

5) Cousin Geri

Blair's fondly-remembered frequent-visiting cousin that had cerebral palsy.  The actress, who both was named Geri AND had cerebral palsy in REAL life, eventually stopped agreeing to appear on the show because every episode she appeared in was advertised as "a VERY SPECIAL Facts of Life."  I can see how that would get to a person.  I gotta ask, though.  Were there ANY episodes of Facts of Life that were NOT "very special?"

TONIGHT: Jo finally gets her first period but it ain't no thang.


I could go on and on about the Facts of Life.  and I WILL, next week when I present PART TWO of this VERY SPECIAL Facts of Life blog.

Click HERE.