(Originally posted May 29, 2007)
Okay as everyone knows, competitive eating is fast becoming the hottest sport in our culture. Most of the people who excel at competitive eating are those that are unable to compete in other sports, namely humongous fatties and also little Japanese people.
Revelation: I DO NOT LIKE COMPETITIVE EATING!
It is BORING. All they do is try to cram down as much food as they possibly can in the shortest amount of time. It does not impress me at all and is a WASTE of FOOD. Give all those hard-boiled eggs to the needy.
The main problem I have with this sport is that it does not include enough variety. Why does everything revolve around speed and volume? They could do so much more. For example, I spent the weekend writing the following list of new ideas for competitive eating categories.
SKILL: Eat a cheeseburger with both hands tied behind your back.
NEATNESS: Eat a plate of ribs with no napkins, winner is person whose face and hands get the least sauce on them.
X-TREME HEAT DIVISION: Who can eat the hottest thing the quickest. Like a baked potato that's been wrapped in foil in the oven for two hours.
MYSTERY GUESS: You have to eat an exotic pie and guess the ingredients.
I also have some new ideas for the World's Strongest Man contest.
STRONGMAN BASEBALL: The ball is a bowling ball, the bat is a super huge aluminum one.
ULTIMATE PINATA: Fill a locked, steel safe with candy and hang it from a crane. The strongmen put on blindfolds and take turns trying to whack it open. When someone wins everybody gets to eat the candy.
Click HERE.
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