Denny's

Too uppity for McDonalds?  Go to Denny's!

Denny's is always open, including the hours of the week when employed people are sleeping.  So this restaurant is attractive to two main demographics:

1) Teenagers that cannot get into bars
2) Old people

Old people like to GET up at 4am, and teenagers like to be out UNTIL 4am.  and both groups really like coffee.  So that is why we have Denny's.  The other thing these groups have in common is smoking.  Normal-aged adults gave up smoking at some point around 1990.  But depending on the state you happen to be in, high school kids and elderly people are usually no longer allowed to have a cigarette in a Denny's restaurant.  Why not?  Are there people seeking bacon and eggs in the middle of the night that are mindful of their health?  and what's more satisfying than putting out a cigarette in some unfinished mashed potatoes?  That is totally a diner staple, right up there with ketchup on eggs and smacking your waitress on the butt.  (Assuming people still do that, I haven't been to a diner in a long time because I kept getting banned for unknown reasons.)

In fact they should officially make it "Denny's Restaurant AND Smoking Lounge."  Find me one person in a Denny's that does not smoke cigarettes, including the staff.  You should know what you're gonna breathe when you go in there.

Also, where do they get their waitresses?  If you are a waitress, tips are presumably a major variable in your overall income.  So you take a job waiting on TEENAGERS and OLD PEOPLE?  Things just were not working out at Red Lobster, I guess.  It's all politics at that place.

So how can we return smoking to Denny's?  The health department does not like it, and they are in tight with Obama.  It might require a special dispensation from the Pope.

Denny's is big with Catholics because it is a tasty place to go after CHURCH.  In fact does the Pope himself ever go?  They should have one at the Vatican just for him.  He could go after mass and get seated IMMEDIATELY.

Now that I think about it, is the Pope allowed to eat whatever the hell (oops, SORRY!) he wants?  He lives in Italy.  Does he like to eat pizza?  I wonder what his favorite toppings are?  Is he a "meat lover," or is stuffed crust his thing?  Imagine the Pope "blessing" a pizza.  That usually only happens when it's a turkey or ham or something else still vaguely in its animal body shape.  Nobody says "grace" before chowing down on a party sub or drinking a glass of V8.

Does the Pope eat spaghetti and meatballs?  Imagine the meatball slipping off the fork and rolling ALL the way down his nice white gown.  Even he would say a bad word right then, I bet.

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