Board games

Monopoly all-time best.  People love picking out a token.  They get real protective and passionate.  "I'm ALWAYS the thimble!"  Your token preference should be used as an ice-breaker at clubs and bars, instead of zodiac signs.  "I'm Brad, I like to be the top hat.  Can I buy you a drink?"

The wheelbarrow never gets laid.

Battleship was so easy to cheat at.  So easy that they had to make an ELECTRONIC version to foil people with bad morals.  They should have done the same with Clue.  There was too much peeking.  and don't get all "Oh *I* would NEVER peek at someone's secret Clue card!"  We all did it.  If you are still in denial you need to cope with your internal demons.

(External demons way more scary.)

Life was a cool game.  That spinner totally rocked.  They should make a version that's combined with Chutes and Ladders though.  "OOPS!  Caught cheating on your wife, DIVORCED!" and you go down a big chute that takes you almost back to START.  Tiny plastic kids ripped out of the tiny plastic car and everything.  I'd say that there should also be a giant ladder for winning the lottery or becoming friends with Tom Hanks or something, but come on.  Ain't gonna happen.

Yahtzee is cool.  It is probably the loudest game and also the closest to illegal gambling.  All praying for dice to end up right.  Plus "YAHTZEE!" is cool to yell.  I want a football wide receiver to adopt it as his catchphrase.  Big grab in the Superbowl and he looks into the camera and says, "YAHTZEE all up in yo ass."  Imagine the subsequent endorsement contract.

There are two kinds of people in life.  Those who know Uncle Wiggly, and those who don't.  Missionaries should come knocking at your door to ask if you have heard of the game.  If not, they ask to come into your home to play it with you for free.  Free except they would ask if you want to BUY it afterwards.  and you would.

There should be a larger, less-breakable version of Hungry Hungry Hippos intended to be played in bars.  Kind of like foosball, but FOUR people could play at once.  Wagering would be inevitable.  Imagine coming home late at night and having to explain to your wife that you lost $100 playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. (That would actually be a nice moderate-sized "chute" for my Life and Chutes and Ladders game combination.)

What's the maddest anyone ever got while playing Scrabble?  Imagine the word "O-U-R" is on the board, and then some British or Canadian person wins by modifying it into "C-O-L-O-U-R."  Huge fight about the "U."

The letter trays are drawn as weapons...

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