There's been no announcement or anything but things seem headed that way. In their latest act of desperation, they have replaced their chicken tenders with "chicken NUGGETS." Seriously? After 30 years you basically admit that since your own ideas always suck you have to resort to straight-up copying Mickey D's?
Years ago, McDonalds introduced the Happy Meal. So then all of a sudden Burger King had a "Kid's Meal." For awhile they offered a fake Big Mac called the "Big King" but it was discontinued for being disgusting. Cheapskates everywhere were delighted by the McDonalds Dollar Menu, so of course Burger King rolls out the "B.K. Value Menu." What, no imposter McRib? They probably just haven't figured out how to make one yet, no one knows what's in it.
Conversely, ever notice that McDonalds just doesn't give a shit what Burger King does? There's no "Onion McRingers." Burger King flame-broils their burgers, which makes them tastier, but nobody cares. They go to McDonalds anyway. They like the Golden Arches and the Happy Meal toys and Mayor McCheese. Burger King promises to do anything the customer wants, the "Have It Your Way" policy, but it's no use. They have recently even fallen behind WENDY'S and are now the #3 burger chain.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
DO YOU REALLY NEED ME TO TELL YOU WHY, BURGER KING?
It is because in America, PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE KINGS AND CROWNS.
This is a DEMOCRACY and people are PROUD of that. Especially these days, with Obama and everything.
See, Dairy Queen is CALLED "Dairy Queen," but they don't try to regal-up anything on their menu or in their marketing. They either use Dennis the Menace or nothing.
and now since you cannot make good decisions for YOURSELF I will also tell you how to turn your company around. It's very simple.
Get rid of the bun.
People like shapes. Wendy's is popular because of the square meat. Almost everything at McDonalds is round. You need to give your menu its own geometric identity. The triangle.
Triangles are popular, especially within the ever-growing gay and lesbian community. So instead of the round bun, use thick slices of square toast and cut your burgers in half diagonally. Like people do with grilled cheese and such. Then you've got two delicious triangles, which everyone knows is the tastiest way to eat sandwiches. You can still offer stuff like the "Whopper Classic," but the triangle will be your company's new overall menu gimmick. and instead of kings and crowns, market yourselves with HUMILITY. People like Ronald McDonald because clowns are broke and they like Dave Thomas because he is non-threatening plus is also now dead.
Click HERE.
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